Nothing Says Fourth of July like Hellmann’s New Strawberry-Flavored Mayonnaise
Strawberry Mayonnaise Daiquiris: Sounds terrible, right? The first few are, but I’m on my third one now and I can’t even taste them anymore.
Tag: Guides
Get Someone Out of Your Life By Sending Them Your Screenplay
Persistent Car Salesman: Hi, Jared, it’s me, Buddy (at least that’s the name you call me by). Well… I’ve written a screenplay!
Father’s Day Cards for Stepdads
Fatherhood brings out the best in a man. / Stepfatherhood brings gas station flowers.
7 Father’s Day Activities for Abraham, the Dad Who Is Hellbent on Sacrificing You
Nothing says “Don’t sacrifice me!” like breakfast in bed. An omelet and fresh coffee is the perfect way to warm Dad up to the idea of sparing you.
6 Techniques I Believe Will Get Sonny the Cuckoo Bird to Renounce Cocoa Puffs and Embrace Christianity
1) I Make a Rube Goldberg-type Machine That Gives Sonny a Spank Right on the Keister Every Time He Lifts the Spoon to His Mouth
How to Tell If You Died and Became Santa, or Are Just a Messy Bitch
I am growing a long-white beard at a scary rapid pace! Uh-oh looks like someone might have the case of being magically transformed into St. Nick!
Dante’s Nine Circles of YouTube Hell
Circle Two: Cooking Tutorials - Wistfully, the penniless souls here all live in studio apartments where the only cooking appliance is a hotplate.
Stuff You Don’t Need from the Museum of Modern Art’s Store Catalogue
Contemporary realist Pavel Shpet’s “manic” salt and “depressive” pepper will liven up any dining table. (Well, one of them will liven it up.)
Classic Movies Re-Imagined with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as the Lead
Forty-eight-year-old high school senior Ferris "The Rock" Bueller has 24 hours to save the city of Chicago from imminent destruction.
A Step-by-Step Guide to Choosing a Password That Fulfills Every Last Requirement
2. Passwords must contain the word that best describes how you feel about your parents’ 1993 divorce. Your selection: pizza2betrayal
Shelter-in-Place Humblebrags That Make Facebook More Insufferable Than Ever
Lists of songs to help with the sheltering process: Clearly the goal is to convey the refined but also insider-quirky tastes of the poster.
The 10 Types of People You’ll Meet in Russian 101
Here-Straight-From-Military Guy: Has probably already committed war crimes. Drinks water out of a milk-gallon container.