Anthony Lane Reviews Life During COVID-19
"Furloughed Guy": The problem with Furloughed Guy isn't so much the "guy" as the "furlough." How long will it go on?
Tag: Guides
Conditions That Must Be Perfect for My Girlfriend and I to Have Sex
Phone ringer volume must be all the way down, so no one is distracted by a late call from Justin H. Each of us must be into our third Moscow Mule.
A Definitive List of Fruits Who Are Trying to Steal My Boyfriend
A Pair of Cantaloupes: Honestly I wasn’t going to say anything because it’s 2020, but come the fuck on cantaloupe.
How to Properly Dispose of a Worn or Damaged Barstool Sports Flag
If you spilled Narragansett on the flag upon learning the Joker wasn’t from New England or you ripped the flag when you heard Barstool writers were unionizing.
House Hunting Tips from a “Law & Order” Detective
You’re gonna want a place near bars, delis, and neighborhood laundromats. These are full of characters who will be furiously vague witnesses.
The Six Differences between Andre the Giant and Louis Pasteur
Andre The Giant contributed significantly less to the collective knowledge of germ theory.
How to Tell if You’re Having Coronavirus Symptoms or Simple Ketamine Withdrawal
In these trying times, it may be harder than ever to tell exactly why you feel like total shit when you wake up in the morning.
How to Make Every Interaction About Netflix’s “Tiger King”
3. Make sure to shout, "BIG CATS!" in a fake Southern accent every 47 minutes no matter where you are.
The Five Stages of Grief for When You’ve Found a Magical Pot of Gold, But Keeping It Means Being Relentlessly Hunted by a Wee Murderous Irishman
DENIAL: Maybe this isn’t even a legitimate cursed pot of money. ANGER: But--fairy fortunes don’t usually come with a blood curse!
How to Properly Care for Your Newly Adopted Introvert
Bring your Introvert upwards of 50 books per week, as It will devour them. Often, this species builds small huts or thrones with these books.
Signs That Your Kid Is Watching Other People’s Kids Do Drugs
Kids need to vent, and it’s likely a normal, natural response to having watched some other parent’s kid do drugs.
How to Fake Your Own Death to Avoid a Multi-Level Marketing Consultant
Gather your family and friends in a Wi-Fi-less underground shelter and give them an envelope disclosing which part of the Andes you’ll be hiding in.