I am Unemployed and My Girlfriend is Starting to Notice
You're a 31-year-old seventh grader living with the love of your life, and you're so unemployed it hurts. These tricks will keep your partner at bay.
Tag: Guides
5 Rihanna Remixes Your Not-Gay Boyfriend Knows You’ll Love
For the Lost Kings "Work" remix, always say "werk" in lieu of "work." As your adamantly heterosexual boyfriend says, "It's better to twerk, girl!"
Seasonal Wedding Themes That Scream “I AM UNIQUE!”
Spring weddings are the worst. So do as I did, and have another Winter theme: "Snuggled Up By the Fireplace While People Outside Freeze to Death."
Martha Stewart’s Recipe for the Disappointment in All of Us
Hey ya'll, it's me, Martha Stewart, and I'm here to tell you that even you can can succeed in baking this very simple, very disappointing recipe.
4 Respectable Hobbies for Retired Hitmen
Between all the traveling and assassinating, it can be hard to focus on yourself as a hitman. What to do with yourself in retirement?
Focus On Your Breath, Inhale Deeply, Now Exhale Slowly—Congratulations, You’ve Entered Manual Breathing Mode
Now that you're thinking about your breath every second of every day, your entire life from here on out is just one long yoga class. Congrats!
The Top Ten “The Only Black Dude” Black Dudes in Movies
Celebrating the memory of those black guys who went it alone, fighting against oppression, while also fighting werewolf cops or whatever.
Are You Addicted to Click? Conquer Your Year with CloseTabuary
Stop getting high on click. Here's how to bite the bullet and close every open tab littering your devices during CloseTabuary.
4 Ways for Audiophiles to Drown Out the Sounds of a Dying Cat
Four ways to trade those painful, meowy gasps for quality, pounding synths, whether you're a hip-hop head, a folk fanatic, or a sensitive Nancy.
New York City Pizzerias Rated by How Good They Are for Hiding from Your Ex-Wife Trying to Collect Her Alimony Check
If you can shirk you financial responsibilities to your ex-wife here, you can shirk your financial responsibilities to your ex-wife anywhere.
An Olympian’s Guide to Having Sex with Athletes Living Under Various Forms of Government
While having sex with communists, totalitarians, and socialists all in the same place can be exhilarating, it can also be fraught with peril.
Five Moves the Trump Administration Should Have Made at the NBA Trade Deadline
Add Kyrie Irving's ball handling skills to his Betsy Devos-level production (from a disbelief in modern science standpoint), and you've got a title contender.