Hey Now, You’re an All Star, Get Your Helmet On, Go Fight
Hey, now, that's the call now, get your mask on, it's gas. Hey, now, you're a Prussian, don’t go blind now, go fast. It's just chlorine and bleach.
Tag: Guides
7 Mixed Drinks Guaranteed to Fuck You Up
The rapidly-swirling vortex of alcohol intensifies as a large mass of Corona streams in from the southwest, touching off tens of banana daiquiris in its deadly wake.
The 7 Most Important Cosplays
Some of these cosplays are "sexy," some of them are damned impressive, but all of them are just cool to me. And that's what makes this list important.
Maximize Your Life with the Rapid Immortality Plan!
Have you ever thought to yourself, “Why do I have to die?” Well, let me be the first to tell you that you’re not alone in your morbid fascination with your own mortality.
Top 5 Alternatives to the Bridal Bouquet Toss
Whether it's a Hunger Games DVD, or your grandma into a crowd-surfing situation, there are much better things you can toss out at a reception than a bouquet.
4 “Sociopathic” Behaviors That Actually Mean He’s Into You
You've just met a cute guy and you're wondering: Is he a scary man with the potential to one day angry-murder you, or is he actually (gasp!) into you?
My Good-For-Nothin’ Uncle Bequeathed Me a Million Dollars, You Jerks!
Why squander this opportunity to be a real life millionaire; a king of kings! And I'll take a big, steaming dump on top of my empty-headed uncle's grave while I'm at it.
20 Practical Uses for Donald Trump’s Hair
The Donald's hair is perfect as a tiny scale model of the Siberian tundra, illustrating the catastrophic results of a scorched earth policy in the Napoleonic invasion of Russia.
Hitler Takes a Facebook Quiz
While establishing his brand on Twitter, Pinterest, and Snapchat, the Fuhrer also uses Facebook as a marketing tool. During a recent boredom spell, he even took a quiz.
8 Christmas Gift Ideas for the Patriarchy in Your Life
Yoo hoo, ladies! Wondering what to get that special patriarchy in your life that already has everything? The answer is… more of everything!
5 Things to Show a Woman on Your First Date
This complete stranger woman may take an instant disliking towards you and your offline personality. Unless you can pull these aces out of your hole.
How to Survive as a Nice Guy
Being a "nice guy" is very difficult. So I have designed the following 10 guidelines to offer comfort, hope, and advice to all my fellow struggling nice guys.