5 Reasons Why a Dictator’s Life is Better Than Yours
Sure you have to be ruthless and commit inhumane acts to maintain the culture of fear and desperation that keeps you in power, but it really is a charmed life.
Tag: Guides
5 Reality TV Shows Repurposed for Maximum Drama
Reality TV shows are a dime a boring dozen these days. That's why we've created "The Real Housewives of Mogadishu" and "Top Homeless Chef"!
Batman & Robin Discuss the 10 Highest-Grossing Films of the 90’s
Special effects came on in leaps and bounds, Disney was in its golden age, and asshole Hollywood producers were yet to try and release every single film in 3D.
The 7 Absolute Worst Spinoff TV Shows This Fall
These are the network TV shows this fall that beg the question, "Are these network executives planning to seek professional help for their drug problems?"
Four Tips for Hosting Rosemary’s Baby Shower
Baby shower timing is important. Too late and Rosemary may be dead after the Antichrist rips out of her stomach. Too soon and she'll have no baby bump to sport!
18 Reasons to Believe Peyton Manning is Actually a Cyborg
Tony Dungy wants to take over the world for religious purposes; Peyton Manning wants to take over the world for world domination purposes.
8 Steps to Overcoming Your Anxiety, Hopefully
This guide will help you more than therapy, medication, or discussing your anxiety problem with family and friends, who probably need mental help more than you.
10 Simple Death Hacks You Need to Know
Being stuck in a human-sized box six feet under ground for all eternity gets super boring after a while. Here are 10 ways to look good and keep busy, even in death.
How to Be a Successful Writer in 5 Difficult Steps
Do not underestimate the importance of having two homes to being a writer, despite seeming to have nothing to do with telling a story. It's all about the dust jacket.
6 Bizarre Things You Can Deep-Fry, But Probably Shouldn’t
Deep-frying and deep-fried foods are now a major part of our lives, for better or worse. But the stuff in this list will either make you salivate or cringe and vomit.
How to Score Drugs in 7 Easy Steps
One question people regularly ask me is, "What drugs are you on, and where can I get some?" Here are some sweeping generalizations to help get you high ASAP.
5 Reasons Why Your Parents Raised a Pussy
In an attempt to shield you from pedophiles, AIDS, and sun rays, your parents deprived you of the opportunity to experience rejection, exhaustion, and bullies.