Boy Scout Cookies
Dad Bod Mints: Like the popular “Thin Mints,” but thicker, and with a little bit of hair.
Tag: Guns
Please Do Not Bring Your Three-Eyed Troll to My Keynote Address at the National Three-Eyed Troll Association Convention
If a troll eats my head, how will I spread the message that wielding trolls is a God-given right?
All These Jokes About Appearance Were Just Uncalled For, Michelle Wolf
Many think this is about how teachers are underpaid and have to buy their own school supplies. But did you know that women call make-up "supplies?"
Even If We Ban Guns, Someone Would Invent a Machine With a Different Name That Does the Same Thing
The liberals, they're wrong, we can't ban guns. Even if we made guns illegal, someone would reinvent guns and just call them something else.
The Official NRA Guide to Cyberbullying Teenagers
The only thing that stops a bad kid with a dream is a good fully grown adult with a Twitter account. Please heed these social media tips.
The Kids You Went to High School With Who are Definitely in Prison Now
13. The Kid That Pretended Fun Dip Was Cocaine Arrest Record: Oh, definitely real cocaine Common Names: Skyler, Dana, Jonah
I’m a Die-Hard Conservative, But If You Build a Border Wall, Our Texas Town Will Be Massacred By Wolves
Everyone knows I’m a patriot, but being eaten by a pack of mega-wolves with no natural predators ain’t exactly dying for your country.
Introducing Old Navy Body Armor!
When you’re wearing this tweed, you’ll (hopefully) never have to bleed! These battle blazers are made of our strongest tungsten chainmail.
Weapons of Mass Instruction for Everyone in Every School
Who's in favor of ending "gun-free zones" and replacing them with "free gun zones"? The answer to every question in America is "more."
4 Respectable Hobbies for Retired Hitmen
Between all the traveling and assassinating, it can be hard to focus on yourself as a hitman. What to do with yourself in retirement?
I Won’t Eat Caribou Unless It’s Slaughtered By at Least a Somewhat Automatic Weapon
Have you ever tried venison that was tactfully killed using a manual-load weapon and just a few bullets to the torso? It's fucking disgusting.
I’m Sick and Tired of Congress Politicizing Tragedies Like the One I’m About to Perpetrate
Bureaucrats will waste zero time before pointing fingers and disrespecting the men, women, and children I'm about to systematically mow down.