I’m Handsome Harry, the Instagram Influencer, and I Just Want to Be a Normal Dog
It was never my life goal to be famous like Sir Charles Barkley, the French Bulldog. If I had my way, I’d be like Butch, the mutt who lives next door.
Tag: Hair
A Tale of Two Sisters with the Same Damn Taste in Men
Some evil Freudian wiring has kept my sister and I at the mercy of the same celebrities and, even worse, absolute hunks in our daily lives.
Kaplan & The Knot Present: LSAT Logic Games Prep, Wedding Edition
Practice Set 1: Seating Chart Chaos: You and your fiance must seat 7 members of your bridal party (all of whom went to college together) at one table.
How to Tell if Your Boyfriend Is Really Your Boyfriend, Or a Stray Cat That Followed You in from Outside
Does he sleep between 16-20 hours a day? Does he curl up in a cute little ball in a perfect patch of sunlight to catch some ZZZs?
Trendy Hairstyles for Owners of Non-Mammalian Pets
Our guide to this season’s hottest hairstyles will have you looking fresher than an aquarium after a water change.
Hot Trends in Realtor Profile Poses
Waist up. Open-neck shirt, light blue. Body angled but just barely, so the viewer wonders, "Is his body angled or not?" One hand across waist.
Don’t Talk to Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee!
Before coffee, I’m, like, a zombie feeding on its own, like… brains or whatever, and struggling to complete straightforward zombie analogies.
Ignatius J. Reilly: The Later Rants
Nixon Resignation (1974): Oh, Fortuna, the revolutions of your wheel pile even the masters into the muck.
You’ll Love Our Newest Resort, You Lazy Fuck
Our friendly staff will welcome you in the lobby, where we’ll happily carry your bags for you. Look at you pretending you’re about to help!
Seven Mishaps at Whole Foods That, Looking Back, Were Only Partially My Fault
I didn’t mean to beat my chest and roar, causing that woman to jerk the wheel of her motorized cart into the end cap of pumpkin spice whipped topping.
Behold! Der American Adventures of Das EuroDad!
Mein gott, his calves are whiter than the snowcapped peaks of the Swiss Alps. Achtung, baby!
Translations of the Text Message “WYD”
“I don’t want to come off as needy so I’ve been sitting on this text for precisely 72 hours since our last hang.”