Health | Page 12 | Points in Case

Tag: Health

“I can’t accept this, it’s obviously been used.” “Well yes, but only in January, February, and the first week of March. But then ppffhtt,” I spit.

Protests are okay but I can't go to the Olive Garden because I use the breadsticks for things that are "objectionable" and "extremely upsetting?"

"Her butt is coming out first," my mom's ob-gyn told her six hours into her contractions. "This baby is just not the right fit."

Farmer Fuel: After the success of Gamer Fuel, the soft drink juggernaut tried the same strategy on the agriculture sector.

"Shameless caffeine addiction" just doesn’t cut it. Chances are you’ve also been avoiding your first screening with a gastroenterologist.

If there’s not enough pollution in the air to do serious damage to your lungs, doctors will suddenly find themselves out of work.

I’ve stayed in touch with friends by… A) Hosting non-alcoholic Zoom happy hours. B) FaceTiming an ex at 2AM. C) Spitting peas at my chum’s window.

$5,000 barely scratches the surface of what it’ll take to handle this problem. / Your family won’t recognize you when this is over.

Things are changing in our country. But one thing that remains constant, however, is the Buzz Lightyear action figure stuck up my anus.

Think of me as the gamma-ray to your Bruce Banner, only I give you none of the superpowers and all of the anger.

Exercise: Speak “Let’s do this again” with conviction. Real life scenario: You’re saying goodnight to a date you expect to never see again.

Ever gaze over your huge pile of thousands of children's teeth and ask yourself, "How can I make this mountain of kid teeth even larger?"