Popular Magic Crystals and Their Powers
Amethyst: The Manifestation Stone - Often used by unremarkable white men to get ahead through little to no talent of their own.
Tag: Health
This Week’s Pub Trivia Theme Is My Unjust Firing as Quizmaster
You also get free points if you have advice on what to do when your beloved pet gets evicted from his favorite shelf in a seldom-used closet.
On This Diet, You Can Eat Anything (As Long as It’s Incredibly Time-Consuming to Prepare)
It's simple: if a recipe involves fewer than 52 ingredients, you're not allowed to eat it. Or if it takes fewer than 83 steps or 5 hours to prepare.
I Am the Old Man on the Stationary Bike at the Gym, and I Am Here to Fucking Crush It
I am simply part of the gym’s existence, like the water fountain and the ambient hip-hop music piped in through invisible speakers.
Diary of Nelson Perry, Swing Voter
November 1980: I voted for Ford in '76, but I’m thinking Carter can take us into the Pac Man era. Ronald Reagan isn’t qualified and he’s embraced a racist campaign strategy.
How to Photoshop Yourself Dummy Thicc with Bob Ross
Wow. If you’ve photoshopped with me before, you know I like big ol’ tushies. And, there he is. That’s a big ol’ tush.
The Simple and Effective No Cookies or Wine Diet
The only exception to the wine rule is for post-work networking drinks. You don’t want to make the other person feel bad about drinking wine!
An Appeal to the Committee’s Ruling That Candy Is Not a Breakfast Food
I was never properly notified of the existence (and have yet to receive a copy) of the complete list of the committee-approved breakfast foods.
Democratic Politicians Narrate “Moby Dick”
Bernie Sanders: Call me whatever name you want. At the end of the day, I am the only sailor who has the guts to fight for real change on this ship.
Mindfulness Tips for Evil Telepathic Mutants
Don’t dwell on the minds you’ve violated in the past or plan to violate in the future. Focus on the minds you’re violating in the present.
What to Get the Person Who Has Everything
The Multi-Millionaire: They have it all. The husband, the mansion, the coke addiction. What could you, their friend in low places, get them?
The Grinch Shouldn’t Be Prosecuted in the Court of Public Opinion
In Who-ville, critical thinking is not valued as a trait. No, rumor and hearsay are given far more weight.