Modern Scares You’ll Encounter in a 2019 Haunted House
You flee down hallways. Everywhere, people are being NICE to each other! They jump out from the darkness, only to grab other people in huge hugs!
Tag: Health
How to Meditate in Spite of Your Stab Wounds
An amazing opportunity to find quiet time and space for spiritual healing is as you sink to the ground clutching a fatal stab wound.
I’m a Proudly Ambitious Burmese Python, but I Think I’ve Made a Huge Mistake
It is so very, very stuck. Goddamnit, Frank. Goddamnit. You just had to eat the whole thing, didn’t you? You know better than to try shit like this.
The Public Bike Repair Creators Bring You Other Equally Useful Fix-It Stations
Public Father-Son Relationship Repair Stations: A stern daddy figure who’s really a teddy bear is waiting to surprise you with a big, warm hug.
Greetings from Small, Tiny, Little Asian Girl
I’m not actually Chinese but, as Chinese is the official language of all of Asia and being Asian, means I’m Chinese. I see you are quite cultured, sir.
Sure, My Parents May Be the King and Queen of a Small Country, But I’m Not the Least Bit Privileged
People tell me I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but that’s not true at all. It was bronze.
Groupon Deals Tailored to Your Emotional Breakdown
Spend a luxurious evening in a gorgeous Four Seasons suite with an ex lover of your choosing. You passed right through denial and into anger.
Five Natural Beauty Products That Don’t Work as Well as That Chemical Shit
You can’t read half the ingredients and might be suffocating a baby penguin with excess sodium monofluorophosphate, but at least you’re minty fresh.
No, Our Restaurant Was Not “Shut Down,” We Are Simply Pivoting
Our organic farm-to-table eatery is now also BYOM (Bring Your Own Meals). That’s right. You bring the food, we bring the vibes.
How to Grocery Shop When You’re Too Fucking High
The first thing you will notice is that there are a lot of sober people at grocery stores. Can they tell you’re stoned?
If Your 2020 Campaign Ad Culminates in a Swell of Patriotic Music, I Will Vote for You
That’s it. No need to risk making promises you can’t keep or guarantee sweeping policy reform that is realistically unattainable in the short term.
My New Job Needs to Be Boyfriend Material
It's not that I’m afraid of commitment—I just don’t want to start something that’s not right for me.