Thanks, But You Can Keep Your Active Lifestyle
Did it ever occur to you that maybe leading an active lifestyle doesn’t make you inherently more driven & virtuous? Maybe it just makes you sweatier.
Tag: Health
Rimbaud’s 2019 Food and Drink Guide to Paris
What can we make of the persons exiting the Sorbonne with something heralded as a "kale chia smoothie?" It appears to be dredged from a fetid pond.
Dear Hiker Who Was Totally Pulling Off a Neckerchief
Do neckerchiefs not itch against your perfect scruff? Who decides that your face fur should stay at a golden quarter inch?
Passive-Aggressive BuzzFeed Quizzes Written By Your Mom
"Poll: Are you mad at me? Because your sister insinuated some things you might’ve told her about me…"
The Summer Spotify Playlist Your Therapist Made for You
"Someone New" by Hozier - Listen, I KNOW we put your love life on hold for the last three appointments but think of it as a fun little game.
I’m the Founder of “Word of the Day” Calendar and I Feel Vexation and Chagrin
Even with the annual surge in profits from last-minute gifting for Mother’s and Father’s Days, this year has left us bereft and impecunious.
Bernie Man: The Festival for Everyone Who Still Says Bernie Would Have Won
Some of our most popular attractions from past festivals include Soylent breweries, meme-hacking spaces, and, by state law, a Ben & Jerry's.
Prescriptions for Thy Modern Maladies From Me, A Plague Doctor
Phone Addiction: In the pocket where ye usually keep your phone, keep instead a hairy, spindle-shanked, venomous spider. Incur bites until cured.
Illness-Related Feats I Accomplished at Work That Are Equivalent or Better Than Michael Jordan’s Flu Game
How about some credit for processing all invoices while my boss lectured me on "eating too many microwaved oyster and pastrami sandwiches at work"?
Updates From Your Facebook Group “Here’s To Your Health Anxiety”
After extensive testing of my symptoms by repeated Googling for “huge lumps neck cancer dying,” I’ve been self-diagnosed with a very rare tumor.
Welcome to Camp Sunshine! Please Read Our 2019 Camp Policies
Camp Sunshine opens its doors at 8:55 every morning. Please drive carefully because although we have 125 campers, we only have 11 legal parking spots.
An Open Letter to the “Pay It Forward” Person at the Drive-Thru
Being a happy-go-lightly, vacant soul, you’re probably wondering why I didn’t use that fistful of dollars to pay for the order of the guy behind me.