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Tag: Health
An Open Letter to the “Pay It Forward” Person at the Drive-Thru
Being a happy-go-lightly, vacant soul, you’re probably wondering why I didn’t use that fistful of dollars to pay for the order of the guy behind me.
Are Vaccines Safe? And Other Legitimate Medical Questions From Ordinary People
When I give blood, does the needle the doctors use make a hole in my arm that a ghost could get into?
Tax Loopholes for the 99 Percent
If you and your partner are weighing the options of starting a family, consider incorporating your offspring as Limited Liability Children.
Your CNN Town Hall: An FAQ
You will know it is your Town Hall when we remove your blindfold and handcuffs and you find yourself seated across from Anderson Cooper.
Because We Care: Our New Corporate Wellness Program for Disgusting Pigs Like You
We care about your wellbeing because we don’t need your fat ass jacking up our healthcare costs.
A Slate of Upcoming Films From the Producers Who Brought You “Long Shot”
When Allisyn awakens in his bedroom filled with Reservoir Dogs posters and empty Gatorade bottles, she’s charmed. Starring Gal Gadot and Seth Rogen.
Believable Fake Identities You Can Use to Catfish Your Ex
Despite his many attempts, your ex will never so much as FaceTime with Mia, because her iPhone “can’t take calls outside the Pacific Time Zone.”
Awkward Conversations With Your Self-Driving Uber
You: Uber, why are we taking Broadway? Uber: We are briefly stopping at your ex-girlfriend Karen’s house on the way. You two need to talk…
Incomplete Drafts of My Cover Letter for a Summer Internship
Dear Joan, I looked up your name on LinkedIn---because that’s how much I care about this job. I seriously need you to hire me.
If You Should Chance to Find This Message, Tell the World That I Did Not Enjoy the Last Episode of “Game of Thrones”
My lifeboat has sprung several leaks. They pale in comparison to the multitude of plot and character holes in this final season.
7 Mother’s Day Gifts That Mom Won’t Like or Use
Diamonds might be a girl’s best friend, but a heart-shaped blurry photo on printer paper is her other best friend.