5 Ways to Convince Guests That the Unused Peloton in the Spare Bedroom Isn’t Your Deepest Shame
Spending $2,000 on an exercise bike you weren't equipped to handle is definitely your heart's heaviest baggage, but YOU CAN'T LET THEM KNOW THAT!
Tag: Health
7 MORE Things Your Guidance Counselor Isn’t Going to Tell You in High School
Your high school guidance counselor forgot to tell you that you are not special. Actually, you ARE special, but in all the wrong ways.
My Son Wanted a Dog, So We Adopted Black Shuck, The Canine Harbinger of Death
Lucky, the dog I had growing up, was a living, breathing creature. Black Shuck, on the other hand, is a ghostly apparition fueled by bloodlust.
Airbnb Review for “Stockholm Syndrome Sanctuary” (4.5/5 Stars)
Waking up handcuffed to a deck chair and duck taped to the point of suffocation was exactly what my girlfriend and I needed to stop fighting.
Fitbitting is Totally a Sport, Okay?
Fitbitting, isn't like any of my previous sports - it's even more demanding. A real Fitbitter would see the opportunity in every inefficiency.
7 Bold Tips for Getting Over Your Post-Holiday Blues at All Costs
Exercising, befriending co-workers, and taking hostages are great ways to cheer yourself up in an otherwise dismal new year!
Parents Need Better Access to Affordable Child Pageants
Expensive these days, having kids and taking care of them. It's hard for parents out there without easy access to affordable child pageants.
The 3 Social Media Posts You’ll See on Your Feed Right After the Holidays
Get ready for that not-so-candid "candid" photo by the Christmas tree of the bride-to-be looking up at her 2-inch-taller groom like he's on a ladder.
What the Commercials During “Days of Our Lives” Say About You, the Pathetic Daytime Viewer
The three most frequent commercials running during Days of Our Lives, and their insulting implications for you, the lazy sack of shit on the sofa.
I’m an Introvert, Which I’ll Now Talk About for Three Hours
No one truly understands the introvert. That needs to change, and that change will begin with an uninvited three-hour conversation.
An Open Letter on Maturity to Jonathan from His Penis
I've had it. The picture of me in your "cool" MeUndies boxer briefs that you just sent to eleven different women really pushed me over the edge.
How to Survive a Midlife Crisis
Are you having a midlife crisis? If so, just relax, take a deep breath, and use this list of positive strategies to help you get through it.