I’ve Lived Longer than Any Dog Ever
In the eyes of a dog, I am nothing less than an eternal being existing beyond the constraints of matter and time. So where's my treat for being a good boy?
Tag: Health
Hey Bellyacher, Your Doctor Wants Us to Experiment on You in This New Clinical Trial!
Over at MEGOPharma we thought, why not repurpose this stuff to make some money?
As Your Virtual Doctor, I Can’t Give You the Results of Your Brain Surgery Until You Smash That “Like” Button
Patients need to smash that so my bosses can track the popularity of this service, which will result in more financial support from our advertisers.
How to Tell If That Guy Who Desperately Needs a Kidney Like-Likes You
He asks you about yourself, things like, “Can you give me a kidney?” and, “So how’s about that kidney?”
Comments from the Audiologist That Show You’re Massively Failing Your Hearing Exam
You are pressing the button so hard that the spring mechanism has failed. Please stop pressing someone else’s button.
On Second Thought, Swallowing My Car Keys to Avoid Getting Carjacked Was Probably a Bad Idea
There's no way I'm going to pass the anchor-shaped keychain I got from my beach trip.
I’m Sorry for Running Over Our Star Quarterback with the Medical Golf Cart, but It’s Actually Been Worse for Me
There are five guys on our offense whose only job is to protect the quarterback. Don't take their failure out on me.
Suggestions from the Suggestion Box at My Teppanyaki Restaurant Where I Make All the Food with My Bare Hands
Posting signage around the restaurant that says, “We Pinky Promise We Washed Our Hands Before Returning To Work,” is not comforting.
Are You One of the 74% Of Americans Not Suffering from Anxiety or Depression?
Were you raised by parents who “loved you unconditionally,” regardless of your achievements and “accolades”?
How to Write About Your Anxiety Instead of Actually Dealing with It
Sure you have been up since 3 AM, counting the hours before you cry in the bathroom on your lunch break. That doesn’t mean you can’t tell others how to live.
A Ranking of Pigs by Whose Heart I Most Want as a Transplant
Hamm from "Toy Story": Manufactured from plastic, Hamm should be the last option on anybody's transplant list.
Doritos’ “Bold Togetherness” Pitch to Rebrand the CDC
Doritos, we’re nothing but consistent. Doritos are always crunchy. We never give conflicting guidance on how to enjoy Doritos.