A Shit So Big You Need to Call Your Mom
We’ve all been there, sitting on the toilet, ass bleeding, thinking, “Why me? What the hell did I do/eat to deserve this?”
Tag: Health
The Real Reason Why You Absolutely Must Cover Your Mouth When You Yawn
I'll lay it down for you real quick: the secret reason why you need to cover your mouth when you yawn is a spooky, ghoulish man named Poppin' Pete.
8 Planets With the Strangest Methods of Sexual Reproduction
Eight planets and the actual forms of reproduction by their inhabitants, verified as authentic by Scientology Monthly and USA Today.
I’m Totally Against Abortion, Except in Cases of Ugly Women
We all know abortion is wrong. Bad. But sometimes the mother is so disgusting and fat from being pregnant, we really don't want that baby.
Cause Bracelets are Out of Control: Here’s How to Fix Them
There are now 18 different colored bracelets that represent 139 different problems. Even Jay-Z can't rap about that much confusion.
How to Apologize to Your Dentist for Not Flossing
Looks like the Associated Press is reporting fake "you don't have to floss" news, and you'll have to admit: your dentist has always been right.
To My Family: Yes, I’m Donating My Body to the College of Liberal Arts
I don’t need my dead body being jabbed into on a cutting board by doctors. I'd rather help the humanities with their flow of corpses.
My Kid Has Usurped My Wife’s Breasts
I love Gabe. He's half me. And I’m sure that fact has something to do with his literal clinginess to Kristina's quadruple-D, turn-to-see milk-pillows.
If You’ve Only Got One Arm, You’re Not Typically the Kind of Guy Who’s Gonna Be a Hollywood Actor
Bjarne says that there are so many other guys out there with two arms that it puts you at a big disadvantage if you only have one.
12 Things to Assure Your Seasonal Holiday Depression Kicks In
Remember, every log you place on the fire would undoubtedly be screaming if it had a voice.
North Pole CDC Report: 13 Worst Reindeer STDs
Any reindeer that have seen graphic photos of the horrific effects of Red Nose Waffle or Silver Balls know it's nothing to mess with.
Our Medication May Kill You, But It’s Not For Sure (Ok, It’s For Sure)
While this medication may be swallowed, it may also be used as a suppository, although after ingestion, please immediately finish your living will.