A Young Man’s First Period
Even as an 8-year-old boy, I knew that having my period would make me a man; it was the first step to becoming an adult.
Tag: Health
8 Things Every Voice in My Head Knows to Be True
If you’re one of the myriad auditory hallucinations that plague me day and night, you know these things all too well.
The Beauty of Bad Breath
You've discovered it's not so unpleasant and disturbing to wake up in the middle of the night with last night's dinner still percolating in your mouth.
How Fat Monk Syndrome Changed My Life
Monks used to represent every lifestyle I could only dream about and deride myself for being too unfocused to embrace. Now I just feel bad for extreme lifestyle people.
This Goddamn Computer is Going to Save Our Family
1946 is going to be a good year for us, my blessed family. Because with the last of our savings I've purchased us a state of the art home computer!
Welcome to McDoctor, May I Take Your Symptoms?
What if going to the doctor was like getting your car washed? You drive in and latch your tires on those rails and the conveyor pulls you into that tunnel.
Maximize Your Life with the Rapid Immortality Plan!
Have you ever thought to yourself, “Why do I have to die?” Well, let me be the first to tell you that you’re not alone in your morbid fascination with your own mortality.
Is My Roommate Having a Stroke or Is She Just Becoming a Feminist?
My annyoing-ass suitemate Pauline thinks Amy's experienced massive brain hemorrhaging. I think she's just experienced a socially-conscious awakening.
If Kanye’s Not Bipolar, Neither Am I
Yes, he can be a jerk. Yes, he can Yes, he lives large. But what if he can't help it? Would you bash Kanye if he was bipolar? Oh, you ARE cruel.
A Nitpicky Guide for Dealing with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
OCD is no laughing matter. Your face, however, is a different story. In fact, you should probably get that checked out before you seek therapy for your OCD.
My First Assholes Anonymous Meeting
Welcome, everyone, to the North Jersey Chapter of Assholes Anonymous. Before we begin, please take this opportunity to make sure your cellphones are ON.
Pooping While on Acid
It's taken me a lot to get to this point: taking a poop on acid. For those of you who never intend to drop acid, this is what it means to poop while tripping: everything.