Quarterlife Auto-Immune Syndrome
Jeff walks me around his car, his hands tucked in his pockets, examining the vehicle with a detached vigilance, searching for the source of his troubles. Clearly, it goes beyond the car itself.
Tag: Health
The Genitals of the Future
<p><em>Today I have for you some comedy sloppy seconds. I submitted a piece to the comedy website McSweeney's, but I guess it wasn't pseudo-intellectual enough or whatever. Here it is, you be the judge. </em></p><p><strong>The Genitals of the Future<br />by Paul Frank</strong></p>
The Mini-Skirt Squirts
If you think dining hall grub smells bad freshly cooked, imagine a girl, in a mini-skirt, in the middle of class, in the middle of the row, who just shit herself.
The Ten Fattest States in the Union (And the Foods That Got Them There)
<p><img src="/files/u2/junk-food-platter.jpg" alt="Junk food platter" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="200" height="257" align="right" />Back when I first started writing for this site there were no iPhones, New Orleans had never been destroyed, and PIC Fearless Leader Court Sullivan had the same haircut he has today.
Having Sex With My Girlfriend on Her Period
Even though my ex was constantly in the mood for sex, I willfully abstained through her first four periods. Then we hit the bloody sheets.
Asian Massage Parlor & Spa Guide to a Happy Ending
I enter an Asian massage spa parlor near me for sex and my mind is flooded with thoughts: How much does this cost? Do I get a handjob? Is it illegal?
How to Use Your Brain to Get Laid (The Cerebellum)
Modern research tells us the cerebellum controls cognitive functions like attention, language, and music - 3 key ingredients in getting laid.
Losing the Freshman Fifteen: Gym, Sweat and Tears
Even if you do get up to the energy to keep off (or more likely, get rid of) the freshman fifteen, gym culture isn't exactly a walk in the park.
Study: Obese Kids Likely to Be Big Eaters
Ground-breaking research has determined that not only are fat children fat, they are also likely to be bullied. It's a crazy world.
A Fleeting Pain in the Butt
When you wake up feeling like there's a wolverine in your stomach, it turns out an enema is your only friend. Beware the oil spill.
Jen the Fat
Fat, annoying coworkers are a lot like pieces of candy. All it takes is one... okay one more. Mmm, I'm just going to take the whole dish.
The Last Doctor Visit You’ll Ever Make After an Enema and Anal Probe
Back pains and difficulty urinating? You might just wanna tough it out...that is, unless you enjoyed your last alien anal probe.