Health | Page 8 | Points in Case

Tag: Health

The guy who told me he’d help me move, then stole my iconic Mallrats pin and puka shell necklace so he could more easily pretend to be me.

Geoff’s been out here slingin’ Coors Light at double-A ballgames for longer than most of these white coat jokers been alive.

We would like to apologize to some of our team members for leaving them off our initial list: Kyle in shipping, our office temp Brayden, and Aquaman.

You don't really believe the peeing in bottles thing do you? If that were true, these blankets wouldn't be so soft and comforting.

I’ve got a six-pack and hands that are strong but somehow also soft. Does that seem like someone who needs the vaccine right now?

We researched it, okay? This wasn’t some half-ass throw on a scarf and call yourself Edna, intro-to-theatre-101 skit.

The first time you met him, he left you wanting more. Despite knowing he's been with dozens of other people, you're not threatened.

We don’t care about fingernails. Well, we kind of care that they’re clean, but we don’t file, buff, color, or cover them up with fake nails.

The first time you touched me, it was like you read the instruction manual on how to make my water boil.

What does your couch give you that I don’t?

Some of you seem to be using this platform for what my psychologist, Dr. Winter, has identified as attention-seeking behavior.

All I wanted to do is continue the progression of time the way it has been going for all of fucking history. But suddenly the pandemic's MY fault?