We at Edible Arrangements Are So Sorry Your Order Came Five Weeks Late
What we see here is not a rainbow cornucopia of fresh fruit, but a hornet’s nest of shriveled blackberries and fungus-ridden apricots.
Tag: Health
If You Don’t Mind Signing This Disclaimer Before You Enjoy That Raw Meat Sandwich
We at Fatty Matty’s Quakin’ Baconz do not assume liability for any health complications and/or death that may arise from the "DOIN’ IT RAW" special.
A Descent into Insanity, As Told Through Covid Test Swag Stickers
Day 8: Another test, and another sticker. This one has a pile of crimson and golden autumn leaves with the “We’re in this together!” slogan.
19th Century Asylum or Modern Daycare?
You approach a crying person and ask what’s the matter. They say, “Nothing.” Seconds later that person is interacting jovially with a colleague.
Hickory Dickory Doctor’s Patient Log at Mother Goose Urgent Care
Pt. Jack Sprat re-check of cholesterol ratio and general lipid panel. Wife, however, doing poorly on Nutrisystem and needs to eat leaner.
Sufjan Stevens Song or Drug-Free Approach to Pain Management?
Good for your health either way. (This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration or Pitchfork Media.)
What to Do When You Catch Your Child “Playing Epidemiologist”
Remember questions from children come from bewilderment rather than an impulse to influence those in power to use policy to promote population health.
Dear Man Sitting Near Me at the Airport Picking His Nose and Eating His Boogers During a Pandemic
Do you really need to pull your neck gaiter down at the JetBlue gate and start spelunking your nostrils right then and there?
I’m Your Pharmacist, and I’m Terrified That You’ll Have Questions
Your doctor has horrible penmanship, so I'm really just going with my gut feeling here. I know exactly as much about your medication as you do.
Simon Says for New Year’s Resolutions 2021
Simon says viable New Year’s resolutions for this group are probably simple things you can do in your home without giving up ANY vices.
What Your Favorite Coronavirus Vaccine Says About You
AstraZeneca: As a gentleman of an Eton and Oxbridge pedigree, you take pride in dignified indolence. Why give it your all when 70% is just fine?
How to Appropriately Move the Goalposts on Your 2020 Resolutions
A guide to retroactively adjusting your 2020 New Year’s resolutions so you don’t feel quite so unaccomplished.