Wrapping Paper is the Dark Lord’s Curse on the Holiday Season
Your innocence is adorable. Yes! Crumple it, toss that ball of misery across the room. Release your righteous fury!
Tag: Hell
21 Clever Ways to Hide Your Budding Homosexuality While Home for the Holidays This Year
4. While out caroling with your family aggressively sing, “make the yuletide straight!” when singing "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas."
Help! My Emotional Support Python is Killing Me!
Maybe, if you roll up your in-flight magazine and hit him really hard on the nose with your free hand--- Oh, Saint Jude! He’s unhinged his jaw now…
Journal Entries Show That Henry Ford Invented the Weekend in Part Because He Loved to Get Wrecked in a Major Way
October 1st, 1926 “Automobiles are fine, but Partybots are the future. I don’t understand why my investors are mad.”
Google Translation for Work-Appropriate Self-Evaluations
How do you rate your performance? Your Answer: This place would crumble without me. Work Appropriate Answer: I have the utmost confidence in myself.
Help! I’m the Cialis Guy and I’m Trapped in an Eli Roth Film
Suddenly, I recall a woman—lovely, virile—a gal very active for her age. Did we meet in a bookstore? Or was it an antique shop?
Why You Never Ask Strangers in the Elevator If They Want to Get Drinks
“I served two tours in Afghanistan,” one woman said, “and I just thank God I never experienced anything like the horror you’re describing.”
Notes From Pantone Considering Which Shade of Taupe to Name 2019 Color of the Year
Bereft Muskrat: “Too hopeful.” “Muskrats evoke something too adorable to be considered appropriate for 2019, even if they are bereft.”
4 Leather Jackets That May Not Be Able to Fix Your Broken Relationship With Your Daughter, But Will Make You Look Cool as Hell
Marlon Brando famously wore this style of jacket in "The Wild One," but he was later jailed for being deemed “too sexy” and died in prison.
My Daily Skincare Routine, Post-Nuclear Holocaust
I don’t have to worry about sun protection because we are not even sure the sun exists anymore.
New World Order Seeking Enthusiastic Intern (Spring 2019)
We are looking for an energetic, passionate intern approximately 80-83 years old with an ability to learn and grow with the organization.
Wines That Pair Well With Your Terrible Life
Gewurztraminer and Running Over A Deer: It’s fruity, aromatic, and perfect for nervously sipping on the side of the road.