I heard that in Heaven, you can ride on the backs of angels and use their halos as steering wheels. That’s something I would like to check out.
Before he could sing a single note, I look down to see the Earth's molten core spilling into empty space.
Must project Buddha-like calm, possess mixologist-level cocktail skills, and know when to keep the kids out of my “home office."
There’s nothing I love more than hearing all types of fireworks one after the other. Sometimes it’s a bunch of little ones; like 25 in a row.
Strawberry Mayonnaise Daiquiris: Sounds terrible, right? The first few are, but I’m on my third one now and I can’t even taste them anymore.
I know a lot of you are all about sacrificing lives and animals to honor me, so I thought I would sacrifice some of my time for all of you.
Circle Two: Cooking Tutorials - Wistfully, the penniless souls here all live in studio apartments where the only cooking appliance is a hotplate.
That mewing and hawing you’re hearing on the upper deck isn’t the 4 PM slop feeding. It’s a protest!
In these trying times, it may be harder than ever to tell exactly why you feel like total shit when you wake up in the morning.
You refuse to wear me because of my stale odor but you refuse to wash me for I have not been worn! This chaotic torment tears my mind asunder!
Day 12, Check-In 74: There is simply no way for us to know just by looking at you that you haven’t brushed your teeth in days.
We are adjusting our policy of requiring sick employees to come into work so we can laugh at them for being frail and weak.