Mindfulness Tips for Surviving Your Friend’s Harry Potter-Themed Improv Set
Practice Compassion: Driving to the show, it’s easy to ruminate on every mistake that led to watching improv on Sunday at 3 PM. Forgive yourself.
Tag: Hell
It’s That Time of Year Again When My Seasonal Affective Disorder Kicks in and I Transform into Glargor the Cave Troll
Like Bruce Banner turns into The Hulk when he gets angry, I turn into Glargor whenever the concentration of Vitamin D in my blood dips below 15 ng/ml.
We Need to Discuss Your Son’s Science Fair Project, “Why Do Mommy and Daddy Use Bad Words?”
If, as his poster suggests, your child is exposed to profanity like “dysentery sh*tstream” and “apocalyptic f*ck-tato,” we need to problem-solve.
Declaration of Independence from My Toxic Roommate Terrence
The history of Terrence is a history of repeated injuries and not splitting utility costs, all having in direct object the establishment of a tyranny.
Diary Entry from the Woman in the Peloton Commercial on Her First Day with Her New Bike
I finish my first Peloton class and am so proud of myself I have a small panic attack. You can get panic attacks from joy, right?
Quotes from Arthur Miller’s “Death of an Influencer”
"Pop, I have no platform! I have no platform, Pop! Can't you understand?"
After Watching These Debates, Am I the Only One Who Doesn’t Really Care Who Takes the Ring to Mordor?
Men of Gondor can afford to discuss this ad nauseum, because even under Sauron’s rule you’d be fine, because, let’s face it, you’ve always been fine.
Obituaries for a Thanksgiving Turkey
He passed the way he lived, with quiet dignity. Nourishing the owners of Grace Organic Farm with the bravery, honor, and tender thighs of a true hero.
Soldiers, I’m Here to Tell You Aliens Exist and They’re Mean as Hell
As it struggled, it waved General McHenry closer. It opened eyes and in its dying breath choked out, "You're not fooling anyone with that hairpiece."
A Few Quick Announcements from the Flight Crew Here at Budjet, America’s Number One Most Affordable Airline
Your bags are important to you, but they're unpaying dead cargo to us and we are proud to be the only airline that has outlawed luggage on our fleet!
Modern Scares You’ll Encounter in a 2019 Haunted House
You flee down hallways. Everywhere, people are being NICE to each other! They jump out from the darkness, only to grab other people in huge hugs!
You Have to Learn Coding! It’s the Only Way to Survive the Job Market and the Wrath of Our Robot Overlords
It’s the only way to hack job market, make killer money, and convince our Robot Overlords to let you keep your original brain!