It’s National Signing Day for Geeks
Buck: Wow, Jim. I especially liked the raw footage of Chip kicking butt in the chess club, and that slo-mo of him acing the AP calc exam.
Tag: High School
It’s Important That Teachers Come Together and Cyberbully Trevor, Who Has Always Been an Asshole
Or the time that he got the whole school to chant "Mr. O’Brien is a virgin" when I was doing announcements during the assembly?
Horoscopes from Your Mother
As your Venus begins to fade you may be feeling like you're losing control of your life. A man can really help with that.
Tattoos You Got at 18 Because You Didn’t Have a Personality Yet
“Live, Laugh, Love” in Cursive: Are you a human or the wall clock I bought from the Home Goods clearance section?
A Love Letter to Ugly Cars Everywhere
Looking like the way a six-year-old might try to draw a sports car? Quirky! The sound system that consisted of maybe two buttons total? Great
Exam for the New Government-Issued License to Be an Asshole
3. How often are you an asshole? I would say whenever I’m conscious, but I can be fairly verbally abusive in my dreams.
Not to Play Devil’s Advocate but Here Is a Factually Incorrect Point
What was I saying? Oh, when you were talking about racism, I agree with that. Well, sort of. I mean I agree that racism used to exist, which is bad.
A Valedictorian Speech Composed Entirely of Staircase-Wit Comebacks
I wish I had said that. Instead, I broke into an ugly cry and stumbled from the room, having jammed a big toe on the life-sized skeleton model.
Help, My Life Has Become a Backdoor Pilot!
No one cared about me. The main story suddenly became Hannibal's unique style of investigation and vague allusions to a troubled past.
An Obituary Writer Attempts to Win His Wife Back
Marilyn Brewster was surrounded by loved ones including her beautiful, perfect daughter Deborah who I could make so happy if she’d return my calls.
Quotes from Arthur Miller’s “Death of an Influencer”
"Pop, I have no platform! I have no platform, Pop! Can't you understand?"
Other Movies Based on Hyper-Literal Interpretations of ’80s Pop Songs
"Karma Chameleon": A gay man falls in love with a faithless reptile who comes and goes, comes and goes.