Junk Mail, If It Were Written as Victorian Love Letters
Though the sun may soon set on this discount code, my passion for your touch shall never fade!
Tag: History
Yes, The School Is Inside an Active Volcano, But We Need to Send the Children Back In
What could be more healthy than taking a spelling test while boulders—such as the one that just flattened Senator Constantine—fall from the sky?
I’m the Ghost of Pythagorus and I Can’t Go to My Light Until You Believe the Earth Is Round
Despite my best efforts to educate the public, the Flat Earth Reddit page has doomed me to roam this very large and very round earth until the end of time.
It Pains Me to Give a 1-Star Review to the Re-Opened Colonial Williamsburg, but the Actors’ N95 Masks Were Obviously Historically Inaccurate
How am I supposed to believe a real colonial woman is teaching me to churn butter, when her flawless colonial outfit is tainted by latex gloves?
TV Shows from the Middle Ages Not Picked Up After Their Pilots
Hung, Drawn, and Quartered - Contestants sketch public executions, and the contestant with the worst drawing each week is in turn sentenced to death.
Help! There’s a Knight Besieging My Medieval Castle and He’s Hot AF!
I sent him away, I had to, I can’t surrender my castle to every triple thicc hottie that rides up here. We’d wait it out.
Hey America, All Your Statues Suck (From the Ghost of Michelangelo)
Did no one in art school for the past two centuries take any notes in their Michelangelo class? They still spend a semester on me, right?
I Am the Leviathan and I’m Sick of All the Attention Behemoth Gets
Whenever you describe something huge and monstrous, you call it "behemoth"—no one ever uses “leviathan” in the same way. Honestly, it hurts.
From the TweetDeck of Captain Blackbeard
I became captain on my own, no help from Ushkuiniks. / Poorly rated Captain Kidd speaking badly of me. Then how come he’s always ogling my ships!!
Please Stop Inviting Me, Leonardo da Vinci, To Your Dream Dinner Parties of People Alive or Dead
Did it ever occur to you that I wrote backwards because I was a private guy who kept to himself? You think social anxiety wasn’t a thing in 1507?
Times Throughout History When Brands Stepped Up to Help the World Around Them
Revolutionary War Zimmer's Fine Coats and Upholstery: I should hope that you wish to don thineself with a coat containing pigments that do not run.
I’m Your White Facebook Friend Who Never Left Their Hometown and I’m Here to Teach You about Conspiracy Theories
Did you know that Bill Gates actually invented racism? It’s something he put in all the vaccines. ALL OF THEM. But no, you probably don’t want to hear that.