Declaration of Independence from My Toxic Roommate Terrence
The history of Terrence is a history of repeated injuries and not splitting utility costs, all having in direct object the establishment of a tyranny.
Tag: History
Jordan vs. Gretzky: Who’s Better?
Despite his worldwide fame and success in other sports leagues, Jordan has racked up an abysmal 0 total NHL goals.
Let’s Boycott Thanksgiving! This Has Nothing to Do with Me Being a Turkey, By the Way
Oh, is turkey a Thanksgiving item too? I guess I never really noticed, until now. Sure, maybe just go ahead and don’t make that one either.
When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemon-Ale with Thor
You can either let those lemons get you down, or you can absolutely crush the shit out of those lemons by channeling the inebriated fury of Thor.
Dear Wikipedia Readers, We’ll Get Right to It: We Need Your Money
That should say “eight million." I guess you could pay somebody to fix it or—wait, we do that for free, all for the cost of a cup of coffee, don’t we?
Will Sex One Day Become a Reality?
According to legend, the Egyptian ruler Cleopatra made out with the Roman general Mark Antony for several hours before falling asleep.
I’m Julius Caesar’s Haircut, and Please Leave Me Out of This
Do not allow my legacy to be tarnished by an out-of-touch billionaire who is disseminating white supremacist content over the internet.
In Our Current Political Climate We Are Morally Obligated to Take a Stand at This Pumpkin Patch
Get lost in our “A-maize-ing” corn maze! It’s the same as our previous corn mazes, but you will not be allowed to exit until you register to vote.
Excerpts from Dr. Frankenstein’s Lost Journal, 1790-1791
I remain perplexed as to the genesis of Igor’s strong opinions regarding the choice of which cadaver shall provide the penis.
So You Bought a Time Machine
Unfortunately, the use of our XR line to assist in a murder of anyone is strictly prohibited.
I’m Afraid the Construction Crew Is Catching On, Master Bruce
“Are you sure Mr. Wayne needs these titanium bomb doors to his---uh, what’s this room for again?” one worker asked.
New Words for Complex Emotions in the Age of Trump
Quitticisim (kwit-??siz?m): The paralyzing decision to either delete or refresh Twitter every thirty seconds.