Clark Kent, We Have Updated Your Ancestry DNA Results!
Our new, improved algorithm now reports that you are: 99.9% not of the human genome <1% Pacific Islander
Tag: History
We, the Makers of Tapioca Pudding, Are Excited to Unveil Nothing New
Over our long history, we’ve made countless non-changes to our product, from refusing to add any flavor to churning out the same muddy texture.
Oscar Wilde Gets a Little Lost in the Sauce
He could tell at once that this luncheon’s company would be quite dull, which was always exciting.
Lyndon B. Johnson Addresses Congress Regarding John F. Kennedy Going Away to a Farm Upstate
It is sad, yes, but he is in a better place. I am told at the farm there is a little pond with some swans in it.
Your Campus Tour
The college was rebuilt in 1795 by local train tycoon Silas Tother when he needed a place to quietly send his troublesome boys, Phinneas and Hellmouth.
8-Year-Olds Declare Their Independence from Eating Vegetables
The history of the present Control by mom and dad is a history of repeated standoffs in the kitchen and plates that have too many colors.
An Oral History of Your Conception
Jerry Kaufman (Your Dad): Did I think we were going to conceive a child during the Insurance Adjusters of American Convention? No.
A Connecticut Yankee Fan in King Arthur’s Court
“Yankee Stadium?” I said, pointing towards the castle below. “Camelot,” he replied. “What the fuck,” I said.
Charnstone Manor Is Hiring a Governess!
Strong candidates will fit in with our diverse and dedicated group of cryptic caretakers, silent maids, hostile valets, and cursed children.
Rasputin’s Top 10 Tips for Picking Up Women
These tactics will work even if you’ve never spoken to a woman in your life—whether you’re a defrocked priest, or just a little shy.
Sir, I Am Not Pleasuring Myself to the Pin-up Girls Painted on the Side of the Warplanes, Sir
WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR PANTS DOWN TO YOUR ANKLES, PRIVATE?
Signs You Are Watching an “Accurate” Movie About the Middle Ages
There is dirt everywhere, all the time. At no point is anybody completely clean (not even the rich people).