Holidays

Tag: Holidays

Take better care of skin. Already looking like middle-aged 17-year-old

Don’t you love it? It’s got a nice high collar, but three-quarters-length sleeves, so it’s not too formal.

My house got robbed and my tree did nothing. In fact, I’m pretty sure it gave the burglars the alarm code.

We settled our feud with the local breeder, and will once again have nine living, breathing reindeer on site as in days of yore.

Please join us in the lobby to celebrate Christmas! We will scrounge up a folding chair or two and everyone will be afraid to sit.

Nadine rips open the presents, revealing these primitive analog relics. But by noon, she’ll have forgotten about all of you.

This snowman wedding racket is a disgrace to the good name of clergymen everywhere.

I’m talking secrets. Intrigue. Betrayal. A young Penn Badgley. Oh, yeah. I rented "Margin Call." What do you mean, “What’s that?”

My downstairs neighbors should give up on the thing they call a “heavy metal bagpipes band.”

We figured you just weren’t hungry or something, considering how often you used to snack on us.

Just you, me, a $20 bottle of pinot noir, and 5-8 professional sex associates that we host for a no-holes-barred 12-hour touchfest.

Listen, I appreciate being included in this Christmas parade but, frankly, I’m not sure why I’m here.