Holidays | Page 12 | Points in Case

Tag: Holidays

Candy Corn --- I may look like I’m relatively young, but I’m actually a centenarian trapped inside a younger body.

This would be my 32nd year trick-or-treating and my 22nd year trying to explain to my neighbors why I'm not too old to be doing so.

Here’s a funky, vintage suggestion: you could wear pants that close with a button at the top, rather than with an elastic waistband.

Our patented "Mega Explosion" technology will detonate into the shape of the Union Jack, then a middle finger, followed by the word “America.”

Strawberry Mayonnaise Daiquiris: Sounds terrible, right? The first few are, but I’m on my third one now and I can’t even taste them anymore.

As a real American bird, I’m going to get down on the ground and fight a sewer rat for half of a discarded Chalupa.

[BOOM BOOM] “U-S-A! U-S-A!” [BOOM] “Do you ever wonder what would happen if everyone got sick all at once, though? [BOOM] "What?"

Fatherhood brings out the best in a man. / Stepfatherhood brings gas station flowers.

Nothing says “Don’t sacrifice me!” like breakfast in bed. An omelet and fresh coffee is the perfect way to warm Dad up to the idea of sparing you.

The Bridge on the River Kwai – Your dad thinks you should stand up to your boss at work. You say he’s a fathead, right?

Surprise him by mowing the lawn. Devastate him by ignoring mowing best practices and race around in a pattern as erratic as his spiking heart rate.

I am growing a long-white beard at a scary rapid pace! Uh-oh looks like someone might have the case of being magically transformed into St. Nick!