Trying to Explain My Statement Fashion Choices to My Mother
Dad’s old tennis sneakers: You dated him in college when he wore these sneakers and you seemed to like them just fine back then.
Tag: Holidays
The Grievances of Punxsutawney Phil
The way I'm held when I'm hoisted in the air sort of digs into my ribs. I'd be interested in exploring some other hoisting techniques.
You Bet Your Ass This is the Most Patriotic Carrot Salad You’ve Ever Eaten
This salad only has three ingredients: carrots, mayonnaise, and American elbow grease.
Open Letter to the Other Dad at the PTA Meeting with a World’s Best Dad Coffee Mug
ROUND 2: We will re-enact Alice Cooper's “School's Out for Summer” video shot for shot. Contestants may borrow as many eye-liner pencils as they need.
I Am a Dad in a Kohl’s Father’s Day Ad
I’m smiling so big because I can’t wait to bite into these steaks. Just kidding! I’m a vegetarian but that doesn’t poll well with our target audience.
Important Tips for Creating and Managing Your Dad’s Orgasm After Telling Him You Opened a Roth IRA
Give your dad the gift of a Roth IRA orgasm for Father's Day without having to label it incest.
Top Ten Floats From the Boston Straight Pride Parade
The Dropkick Murphys performing "Shipping Up to Boston" while Irish dudes do shots and maybe make out a little bit just to see what it's like.
7 Mother’s Day Gifts That Mom Won’t Like or Use
Diamonds might be a girl’s best friend, but a heart-shaped blurry photo on printer paper is her other best friend.
Mother’s Day Breakfast Recipes Any Kid Can Cook
Appetizer: Meat Yogurt -- What's the one thing moms love more than fruit? Duh, it's yogurt!
My Boyfriend Left Me for a Girl Who Sings Sensual Covers of Alternative Rock Songs on YouTube
Things got worse after I said my favorite R.E.M. song was “Shiny Happy People.” He got so angry that I thought his slim body was going to overheat.
New High School Senior Portrait Packages
I Love My Car Package: This package is specially designed for those whose 16th birthday was the greatest moment of their life.
How to Survive St. Patrick’s Day Without Revealing You’ve Been Cursed to Take the Form of a Leprechaun
You’re two feet tall and none of your clothes fit anymore. This new trait may be the most noticeable, but it’s also the easiest to explain.