Proof My Boyfriend and I Have Probably Turned into Vampires
I enjoy exercising now, since I can levitate over the treadmill while watching Hulu on my phone. If my BF asks, I tell him it’s supernatural cardio.
Tag: Holidays
In Our Current Political Climate We Are Morally Obligated to Take a Stand at This Pumpkin Patch
Get lost in our “A-maize-ing” corn maze! It’s the same as our previous corn mazes, but you will not be allowed to exit until you register to vote.
Your Guide to Autumn Instagram Captions
“I pledge fealty to you, my Pumpkin Dad” is another great example of a gourd-geous caption being used by Fall fanatics everywhere.
A Year of No
A friend finds an aggressive dog hiding under a car. She asks if we will take him in temporarily. I know I need to swallow my fear, so I say yes.
Thank You for Calling Divided Health!
You'll be on hold for at least 45 minutes before you hang up in an impotent rage, so may I help you with anything else before I transfer you over?
Trying to Explain My Statement Fashion Choices to My Mother
Dad’s old tennis sneakers: You dated him in college when he wore these sneakers and you seemed to like them just fine back then.
The Grievances of Punxsutawney Phil
The way I'm held when I'm hoisted in the air sort of digs into my ribs. I'd be interested in exploring some other hoisting techniques.
You Bet Your Ass This is the Most Patriotic Carrot Salad You’ve Ever Eaten
This salad only has three ingredients: carrots, mayonnaise, and American elbow grease.
Open Letter to the Other Dad at the PTA Meeting with a World’s Best Dad Coffee Mug
ROUND 2: We will re-enact Alice Cooper's “School's Out for Summer” video shot for shot. Contestants may borrow as many eye-liner pencils as they need.
I Am a Dad in a Kohl’s Father’s Day Ad
I’m smiling so big because I can’t wait to bite into these steaks. Just kidding! I’m a vegetarian but that doesn’t poll well with our target audience.
Important Tips for Creating and Managing Your Dad’s Orgasm After Telling Him You Opened a Roth IRA
Give your dad the gift of a Roth IRA orgasm for Father's Day without having to label it incest.
Top Ten Floats From the Boston Straight Pride Parade
The Dropkick Murphys performing "Shipping Up to Boston" while Irish dudes do shots and maybe make out a little bit just to see what it's like.