Holidays | Page 18 | Points in Case

Tag: Holidays

I hope I don't have to use the revolver, but this is Costco—godless territory where wild men purchase two-gallon tins of popcorn on any given day.

BARBER: It is customary to tip your barber $15 for each person who complimented your haircut and then immediately had sex with you.

Your Rabbi: The Talmud teaches many things, but it doesn’t teach how to destroy the attack helicopter on the roof of the “Oblask Dam” level.

I didn’t know that a first date at a restaurant was inferior to slipping on ice in your heels and falling into the arms of your high school ex.

There are numerous holidays, and some of us will be spending December 25 at a TGI Fridays while their soon to be ex-wife blows the retirement fund.

For the Improviser: If you’re looking to give a gift that lasts, offer them $450 to never improvise again.

Nobody just carves a roast beast like that. Not without training. This guy has combat skills. Probably ex-marine gone rogue. Let’s see him in action.

4. While out caroling with your family aggressively sing, “make the yuletide straight!” when singing "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas."

Your mom and I have been having some money issues, so we're hoping you don't mind sleeping in the basement. We've got a boarder now named Lorraine.

Peppermint Razor Bark (p. 194): The easiest and most economical recipe, this sweet is great for either a time-sensitive soirée or a mass sabotage.

6. Hold Your Family’s Feet to the Fires of Capitalism --- Santa Claus? A soulless creation of Coca-Cola to help them hock a sugary beverage.

"The Christmas Countdown": A group of photogenic children frolic by a fireplace and repeatedly exclaim "It's almost Christmas!" for 87 minutes.