Festive and Angst-Ridden Holiday Missed Connections
Missed You… Again You: A relaxing holiday. Me: Dehydrated, depleted, stuck in traffic. God, I want you so bad.
Tag: Holidays
White Elephant Gift Exchange Power-Ups
3 - 5 Years: File a police report against the person who stole your gift. (Two reports allowed per game.)
The Trump Administration’s Official Recommendations for Hanukkah Parties
“Sufganiyot” might be a traditional treat, but it’s hard to pronounce, and makes you seem like you’re plotting an overthrow of American jelly donuts.
How Many of My Fellow Leaves Must Die Before You Wake Up to the Atrocity of Fall?
Our ailing bodies fall from the sky into your front yard and all you can muster is an idle comment about the beauty of our chlorophyll jaundice.
Highlights From Squanto’s Plymouth Colony Twitter Feed
“What’s the deal with @Massasoit contradicting himself everytime he mentions me in a tweet or talks to the press?”
No, I’m Not a Turkey Wearing a Mustache, It’s Me, Your Uncle Joe
Can I just say that this is hands down (speaking of hands, I’ve got two of ‘em) my favorite Thanksgiving to date?
So You’re Hiding From Your Family in the Bathroom During Thanksgiving
Yum, I hope that unfiltered tap water and internalized judgement from your mother tastes great!
Birds of a Feather: Thanksgiving in the Midwest
You made it: to Southern Iowa, in an auction hall with chewing tobacco at each table, 25 second cousins running around in their cowboy boots.
Things I Would Rather Do at Thanksgiving Dinner Than Answer Questions About My Personal Life
Give a TED talk to my family titled "The Evolution of My Personal Blogs," except every time I would usually say “blog” I have to say “blerg.”
You are Cordially Invited to This Year’s Thanksgiving, Which My Son Will Be Filming to Expose the Sham of the Modern Family
To symbolize the risks one takes when they pledge loyalty based only on shared blood, one small razor blade will be hidden in the macaroni scramble.
I Am a Funny, Funny Book in a Barnes & Noble Display and I Want to Be With Your Niece
Let me guess: 21? Barnard student? Appears edgy at holidays, but how edgy? You wouldn't know. Perhaps... I can help.
The White House of Horrors: Release and Waiver of Liability and Risk Assumption Agreement
You assume liability for certain risks including overcooked steak, delusions of grandeur, eerily dwindling base support, and airborne spray tan.