‘Twas the Flight Before Christmas
My seat had no window, I'd wasted my cash / on a seat in the middle by a guy with a rash
Tag: Holidays
Forget Santa’s Lap, Here’s Where I’m Sitting This Christmas
There is no way ol' Kris Kringle is going to remember what I asked for… until now. This holiday season, he is going to remember my name.
I’m Happy with Anything, as Long as It’s Cash
What do I want for Christmas? Just get me anything. Socks, sweaters, a crisp stack of twenties shoved inside a brown paper bag.
You Need to Stop Cockblocking Me, the Romantic Lead of This Hallmark Holiday Movie
I leaned in super slowly for a kiss when… her freaking precocious daughter popped in so that we could taste the cookies she made.
Tips for Enjoying Our Holiday Market While You Wait in Line to Get In
Wearing multiple warm layers will ensure that you don’t end up in the ER with hypothermia.
Joseph and Mary Ask Jesus to Come Home for Hanukkah
Your father and I are trying to plan Hanukkah. Think you’ll be able to join us in Nazareth for the last night? You also have a birthday coming up.
As the Man Who Cooked This Hanukkah Dinner, I’m Best Suited to Deal with This Salmonella Outbreak
A brief mea culpa from me: as the lone cook of this dinner, I cannot help but feel that I have to bear at least some responsibility for this.
Real Amazon Reviews for Decorative Fall Leaf Garland, or Family Gossip About My Bold New Hairstyle?
Doesn’t fall correctly… I don’t know what the ideal shape would be, but this wasn’t it.
I Appoint You, Nephew Bryce, as Successor in Our Family’s Line of Crazy Uncles
This family has a rich history of Crazy Uncles ruining Thanksgiving. A tradition that you are now responsible for.
I’m a Gourmet Pepper Mill Who Doesn’t Belong at This Thanksgiving Dinner
What’s that they’re talking about now? "Where’s Aunt June’s fun dip?” The fuck is fun dip? Christ in heaven, this is Thanksgiving!
The Only Thanksgiving Topic We Can’t Discuss: The Cornucopia Grapes
Nothing good will come from yelling about whether there’s a glue spot on the plastic pear that indicates where a neighboring bunch of muscats should be adhered.
In Defense of Drinking Gravy
Thanksgiving is one of the few days that I can gather with my family, eat a huge plate of delicious food, and pound back six or seven glasses of gravy.