What Women Really Want on Valentine’s Day
Valentine's Day seduction tips so that one day she may say, “Yes.” From someone who has never been in a relationship (for obvious reasons).
Tag: Holidays
‘Twas the Night Before Inauguration
The coffers were hung by Big Business with care, in hopes that St. Donald Trump soon would be there.
Things I’m Looking Forward to in 2017
It's a brand new year and we can finally put all that BS behind us... unless you're David Bowie, Prince, George Michael, or Carrie Fisher.
The Five Stages of Shitty Balinese Tattoo Grief
One short series of poor vacation decisions later, and you ended up with a new shoulder dragon friend for life.
12 Things to Assure Your Seasonal Holiday Depression Kicks In
Remember, every log you place on the fire would undoubtedly be screaming if it had a voice.
How to Reconcile Your Anti-Semitism With Your Love for Jesus Christ, King of the Jews
Many anti-Semites are also God-fearing Christians, whose savior is Jesus Christ. So how can they make peace between despising Jews and worshipping one?
North Pole CDC Report: 13 Worst Reindeer STDs
Any reindeer that have seen graphic photos of the horrific effects of Red Nose Waffle or Silver Balls know it's nothing to mess with.
5 Christmas Gifts to Get Your Beloved Without Violating the Restraining Order
The gifts that will bring you closer to that special loved one, even when you have to be 500 feet apart.
I’m Regifting These Turtle Doves and You Know Why
What's the big deal with doves? They're not exactly the monarchy of the bird community. In fact, they're just bleached pigeons.
Animals Santa Considered Replacing Reindeer With
Santa considered a handful of alternate sleigh-pullers before settling on those magic horned beasts. Here are the 13 losers.
Merry Fucking Christmas to All From the Millers!
Another eventful year has passed and the Millers are feeling SO BLESSED despite the fact that we are all agnostics or atheists.
Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer (Not That You Care, Grandpa)
The undertones are more disturbing than a simple Christmas accident: Grandpa and the rest of the family took out Grandma deliberately.