My Favorite Moments of Family Holiday Chaos
Famarchy: The (arguably amusing) utter chaos into which your offbeat loved ones inevitably descend within the first 12-18 hours of each ill-fated reunion.
Tag: Holidays
8 Christmas Gift Ideas for the Patriarchy in Your Life
Yoo hoo, ladies! Wondering what to get that special patriarchy in your life that already has everything? The answer is… more of everything!
A Thorough Deconstruction of the Absurdity of the Three Wise Men Story
The maji hoped Jesus would grow up and use the frankincense and myrrh to develop a proprietary blend for His signature cologne, using His omniscient business acumen.
We Wish You an Annoying Chistmas
This year I thought I'd pick apart the song that encourages underage drinking, extortion, blackmail and murder: "We Wish You a Merry Christmas."
Christmas Card Brag Letter from the Millers
Another year has passed and the extended Miller family has been blessed with good fortune, good friends, and good lawyers who kept our youngest out of jail.
15 Green Objects Gearing Up For St. Patrick’s Day
"364 days a year we are forced to hide behind majestic backdrops that are later added in over our hard work. St. Paddy's is our day to shine in the limelight." -Green Screens
Five Things I’m Looking Forward to in 2015
I’ve noticed a general shift in the public’s thinking about whether or not it’s appropriate to wear yoga pants and leggings as everyday pants. WEAR THEM, trust me.
The Only New Year’s Resolution That Will Also Save Democracy
Did you know that if you juggle you can receive a significant tax write-off? Juggling is not just a way to hat trick 2015. It is a way to get our nation back on track this year.
Reindeer Farts are Melting the North Pole (And Other Intimate Confessions from Santa)
150 years of the expectation of delivering gifts to billions of children every year has turned Santa into a dick. Here's what he confessed to me.
How Much Denim is Appropriate for the Holidays?
While you're sipping the sugary egg nectar known as "nog," take a moment to look down below your torso. What type of textile is trimming your thighs? Thought so.
The Atheist Club’s First Annual Christmas-Themed Christmas Party
Past Christmas parties by the house church had themes such as "Dinner" and "Watching Netflix," but this year the theme is... *drumroll* "Christmas"!
Do They Know It’s Christmas on the Moon?
Everyone knows this song helped eradicate hunger in Africa, which is why there are no hungry people there now, but did you know it also cures Ebola... and intelligence?!