The Two Thousand Twelve Days of Christmas
A much-needed revision to the outdated gifts from the Christmas classic. Hell, even a song about gifts in 2005 would be long obsolete given our demand for the latest in supply.
Tag: Holidays
Frankenturkey: A Thanksgiving Book Report
From Betsy Haynes, critically acclaimed author of a bunch of dumb shit my girlfriend reads, comes this chilling thrill ride masterpiece of absolute crap from the year of our lord, 1994.
Halloween Headaches 2012
Being white, handsome, and taller than most locals, being disguised as Super Mario made me the most talked about item in Korean history.
Things I’m Looking Forward to in 2012
Finally, we can enjoy the fall of North Korea, another plethora of "I Voted" stickers, and the most highly publicized apocalyptic failure in history. You're alright, 2012.
Things We Won’t Get for Christmas 2011
Even as kids we knew Santa couldn't get us everything we wanted. So today, 28 PIC writers gather to unleash their personal "shit they know they're not going to get" lists.
Christmas with the Kardashians (Black Tar Prophecies, Vol. 2)
My name is Copernicus Thunderbird, and we're all fucked if Christmas goes down the way I think it will. What you need to understand is that the Kardashians are going to destroy Earth.
The Twisted Christmas Miracle in the Woods
As I stood in the woods digging the hole to bury the old man, I realized he wasn't quite dead. And that's when he told me a story of Christmas I'll never forget.
Now That’s What I Call Christmas! Vol. 1
Things I want for Christmas: Jeremy Sisto's voice, Leonardo DiCaprio's hair, Karen Filippelli (assuming she's still single), Gift cards, Maybe some DVDs, Robert Downey Jr.'s aura.
Halloween Headaches 2011
A true revelation occurred when a friend said, "Dude, you're wearing jeans and a red flannel and you have a huge beard, why didn't you just do Super Mario?"
Boner Costumes: The Abbreviated Version
Speaking of Halloween costumes, it's kind of my favorite thing to come up with, especially phallic puns. This year I've decided to go as Premature Ejaculating Santa.
4 Holidays That Should Be Abolished
Holidays are supposed to be wondrous occasions to celebrate, but for the most part, a few come to mind that should be abolished and permanently etched off calendars worldwide.
Things I’m Looking Forward to in 2011
2011 has the potential to be great. But first we need better WikiLeaks, another apocalypse, a rehabed Lindsay Lohan, and the death of Betty White.