Nobody’s Ever Thankful for Me, the Folding Chair from the Spare Room Closet
I’ve seen more get-togethers than Uncle Harold, may he rest in peace. He sat his ample frame on me dozens of times. His bum was one of the good ones.
Tag: Holidays
Global Supply Chain Issues Have Not Spared This Year’s Thanksgiving Menu
Apple pie is still on! Flour is in high demand and low availability, so we will have to make do with some sort of potato-based crust.
LSAT Logic Problems for Every American’s Thanksgiving
Uncle Roger and cousin Lucy disagree about whether: A. JFK Jr. came back to life and is living in cousin Lucy’s shed. B. The war on Christmas starts the day after Thanksgiving.
Are You Assembling an IKEA Dining Room Set or Cooking a Thanksgiving Turkey for the First Time?
6. You cannot begin to fathom what you’re supposed to do with the assortment of random parts in the inner pouch.
Choose Your Own Adventure: Holiday Uncle Edition
Conspiracy Theorist Uncle: You’re the King of “doing your own research,” so you don’t have time to throw the ball around with your nephews.
Are You at Thanksgiving Dinner, or Are You a Character in the “Star Wars” Prequels?
-Despite it being fairly obvious, your pregnant friend’s wife won’t say who the father of her baby is.
This Year I’m Not Going to Eat All of the Candy I Bought for the Trick-or-Treaters
The big bag is a safer purchase. Now it won’t be the end of the world if I have one. I’d hate to disappoint the kids two years in a row.
Other Days of Awe
The one spring day every year in New York City in which it is neither torrentially sleeting nor 95 degrees and humid.
Create Your Own Fiscal New Year’s Eve Rom-Com
“On fiscal new year’s eve, there’s no accounting for love.”
I Hath Avenged Thy Foul and Most Unnatural Murder, But I Am Still in a Fairly Bad Place Myself
‘Twas something of a bloodbath, all told, but was this not what thou asked for? Well, Happy Father’s Day.
A One-Sided Conversation at a Grill That You Didn’t Start and Can’t Get Out Of
I’m going to take a beer. Man. Beeeeautiful. Nothing like a nice day– Flip that. That’s done. It’s burnt.
Simon Says Issues Apology Letter to His Mother
Not only is the third-person thing annoying, but it ends up sounding like a command. Simon says raise your hand if you want to slap me for that.