The 12 Months of Midwestern Winter
May: The Memento effect begins to set in as the temperature starts to go up. You start to hear people say things like "Winter wasn’t even that bad."
Tag: Holidays
What She Really Wants This Ides of March
A quiet night in with 60 or more Roman Senators – Don't overthink it! If she's a down-to-earth type, this all she wants on March 15.
Babe, I Didn’t Forget Valentine’s Day—I’m Just Going All Out for Sweetest Day
Sweetest Day is better and not until October 16th, so I'm actually way early in already talking about it.
Cuomo’s COVID-Safe Reopening Plan Expanded to All 2021 State-Recognized Holidays
May 5 – Cinco de Mayo: IVs previously containing live-saving antivirals and convalescent plasmas will be replaced with frozen margaritas.
A Love Letter to My Valentine, Catastrophic Thoughts, On Our First Anniversary
Or how about that day in April when I forget to wash the Cheetos bag? I fell into a fetal position, and I knew you were my soul mate.
Ways to Hide That You’re Only in This Relationship for the Free Valentine’s Day Chocolate
When he says "I love you," do not say "I love free chocolate." Instead, try using the word “you.”
An Open Letter from Cupid for Valentine’s Day
In light of the truly inseparable nature of relationships during this pandemic, I’m introducing Cupid’s Booster Arrows.
Your Very Real 7th Grade Secret Admirer
The card was so lovely, but unfortunately, I can’t show you it because there was a fire at my desk.
Is It Valentine’s Day or Did You Just Take Too Much Peyote?
You realize you are alone and so is your spirit, crushing you with the existential terror that you are irreparably flawed at the cellular level.
Hi, I’m Your Christmas Lights That You’ve Had Up Since November—Please Take Me Down
Now, instead of giving off the "vibes" of a Hallmark movie, I'm basically just a glorified lasso wrapped around your windowsill.
Wanted: Competent Mattress Store Employee
Seriously, I cannot keep having these sales, because the last guy just bought a bajillion mattresses and we had no idea what to do with them.
Simon Says for New Year’s Resolutions 2021
Simon says viable New Year’s resolutions for this group are probably simple things you can do in your home without giving up ANY vices.