This Might Sound Crazy, But Your House is Made From My Mom
It would really mean a lot if I could come in and see where she … ended up. Sorry, looks like I’m interrupting book club.
Tag: Houses
House Hunters: Underground Bunker Edition
A bunker in a cute town with lots of shops and restaurants would be more than fine. Ideally, it would be a community with a high walkability score.
Stages of Grief That You, A Prospective Homeowner, Will Have to Process Before Accepting Your Fate and Becoming a Mole Person
Obsession: Refresh Zillow every three minutes. Ignore texts from your friends. Optimize your meals by blending your food & sipping it from a thermos.
A Plea to Raise the Millennial Stay Ceiling
It appears you believe I am actually leaving in a few days. This is not accurate. These ceiling deals are always a bit of a work in progress.
Is Your Nest Malfunctioning or is Your Brentwood Mansion Haunted?
Do your thoroughbred Tibetan Mastiffs refuse to walk past your Nest Detect Sensor™ into the the conservatory where your stepfather passed away?
All the Reasons No One Attends Your Open Mic
Your open mic is in the gap between worlds, accessible only to the chosen, the mad, and people you like. So, it’s kind of a booked open mic.
HGTV Announces “The Joyce Byers Complete Home Makeover Show”
Witness participants’ dreams of a new home go unfulfilled as they contend with Joyce’s dismantling of their house to find her missing son, Will.
Sorry, Your Fire Insurance Doesn’t Cover Fire Damage
I empathetically understand why you think your house burned down, but technically it was destroyed and not “burned down.” This difference does matter.
A Plea From the Chair You Put Your Stuff On
The purpose of the chair is to hold the Butt. This has been the truth for eons, before you were born and before I was purchased from the local IKEA.
Now That Game of Thrones is Over, Can We Talk About the Very Slow Fire Spreading in My Home?
I bet firefighters loved it when the red priestess Melisandre lit thousands of Dothraki arakhs aflame. These days, people only care about fast fires.
Other HUD Terms Secretary Ben Carson Finds Confusing
FEDERAL HOUSING ADMINISTRATION (FHA): A liberal conspiracy to make everyone live in hippy communes.
My Neighbor’s Peaceful Meditations are Driving Me Crazy
He was there all hours of the day, rain or shine, lost in the peace of his mellow being. He returned none of our casual hellos and friendly waves.