H.P. Lovecraft Reviews His Recent Amazon Purchases
Sun Lamp for Seasonal Affective Disorder, One Star: I returned this lamp to Amazon. With luck it will sleep eternally in the depths of their warehouses.
Tag: Houses
Famously Unethical Psychological Experiments Re-Envisioned for Millennials
A phoneless participant will be quizzed about Buffy. If they get an answer wrong, another participant will be instructed to send a text to an ex.
You’re Upset I Broke Into Your House and Stole a Bunch of Your Shit—Don’t Worry, I’m Donating Everything to Goodwill
And yes, before you ask, this is the best I could come up with---I mean, what was supposed to do? Not break into your house and steal a bunch of shit?
Please Give Me Custody of the Foosball Table
Please, I'm begging you to let me hold those knobs in my hands. I want to hear the sound of that little soccer ball dropping onto the table.
Aesop’s Fables, Updated for a Capitalist World
Thinking he'd overtaken the tortoise in the race, the hare took a nap under a tree. He was right to sleep, given his Adidas UltraBoost running shoes.
Tips for Owning a Birdhouse
Do not launder money through your birdhouse. It is a crime punishable by penalty of not getting to have a birdhouse anymore.
My Statement on Sacha Baron Cohen Tricking Me Into Letting the Trojan Horse Into Troy
In character as “Yusef Frankfurter,” he told me that he wanted his next project to be about a very handsome and courageous mayor.
Six Clues That Your Cats Could Be Using Your House as a Human Fight Club
If a stranger with a black eye winks at you on the street, that’s a surefire giveaway that your cats are pedalling human violence for profit.
The Newest Trend in Real Estate is Sprawling Victorian Estates
Have fun cooking on your one-burner stove. I’m spit-roasting an entire side of beef that’s been marinating for 3 weeks in Cab Sav.
New HGTV Shows That are Guaranteed Ratings Juggernauts
Fenrir and Sköll were raised by wolves in the New Mexico desert. Today, the feral sisters redesign homes for people who identify as animals.
An Open Letter to Greedy Los Angeles Homeowners
We are keen to invest three decades of savings into your property and excited to put in our offer after looking for the perfect teardown for so long.
Honest Rules for Staying at Grandma’s House
Good manners are expected at all times. That means always saying “please,” “thank you,” and “our mother made a terrible mistake not baptizing us.”