Airbnb Review for “Stockholm Syndrome Sanctuary” (4.5/5 Stars)
Waking up handcuffed to a deck chair and duck taped to the point of suffocation was exactly what my girlfriend and I needed to stop fighting.
Tag: Houses
The 6 Coziest Federal Offenses to Commit From the Warmth of Your Home This Winter
Finally, a list of felonies to perpetrate from your breakfast nook while wearing your snuggliest onesie. Let it snow, let it snow!
My Car Keys are Missing, and I Blame Hillary’s Emails
I have the world's best memory, so when I woke up this morning and couldn't find my car keys anywhere, I knew Crooked Hillary was to blame.
Fitbitting is Totally a Sport, Okay?
Fitbitting, isn't like any of my previous sports - it's even more demanding. A real Fitbitter would see the opportunity in every inefficiency.
Elf on the Shelf Captain’s Log
The kids seem to want a chemistry kit, an iPhone, and a Kylie Jenner lip-gloss contraption. Santa will be furious with their capitalistic greed.
Winter Solstice Blues: How a Broken Bedroom Window Blind Became My Unwanted Alarm Clock
My darkened bedroom alights like a hidden Celtic burial chamber on the first morning of winter, my bed an altar as sleep once again is sacrificed.
10 Time-Saving Beauty Tips From a New Mom
Get ready to flip that Jean Nate-age, time-consuming beauty philosophy into a beauty routine that fits into the 30 seconds you have to pee.
4 Glowing Reviews of My Grad School Basement Apartment
There's nothing like coming home at the end of the day to a tiny, dingy $800-a-month basement apartment to remind you that your dreams are a sham.
Dear Ghost Girl Haunting My Apartment: You’re Starting to Become a Financial Burden
It's not that I don't think you're scary. But this is NYC, and I really need to get a roommate listed on this lease or else I'll have to move back to Ohio with my parents.
Wanted: Young, Female Assistant for Totally Normal Stuff
While there are many Craigslist jobs out there, this one is unique because it pays well and guarantees you will not be bludgeoned to death during a pagan sacrifice.
A Sick Husband’s Apology Voicemail to His Wife
Hon… are you there? Pick up? When I get home, I must keep away from kids. No want kids get sick. I'll sneak into bedroom. Turn on Nintendo, if I have strength.
An Open Letter to My Neighbors Who Insist on Hanging a Scary Clown Decoration from a Tree Over the Sidewalk Every October
I'm not going to say that the clown is FRIGHTENING, since I'm an adult and being afraid of a Halloween decoration would be silly. But take it down, ok?