Wanted: Young, Female Assistant for Totally Normal Stuff
While there are many Craigslist jobs out there, this one is unique because it pays well and guarantees you will not be bludgeoned to death during a pagan sacrifice.
Tag: Houses
A Sick Husband’s Apology Voicemail to His Wife
Hon… are you there? Pick up? When I get home, I must keep away from kids. No want kids get sick. I'll sneak into bedroom. Turn on Nintendo, if I have strength.
An Open Letter to My Neighbors Who Insist on Hanging a Scary Clown Decoration from a Tree Over the Sidewalk Every October
I'm not going to say that the clown is FRIGHTENING, since I'm an adult and being afraid of a Halloween decoration would be silly. But take it down, ok?
I Bought an Energy-Efficient Laundry Machine Because It Has a See-Through Lid
I used to worry about the world, about a lot of things, but now that I have a washing machine with a see-through lid, everything seems just fine.
Make Dinner, Not War: A Husband’s Plea
We've both changed a lot over the years, but we made certain promises to each other. Am I mistaken in remembering that on our first date you told me you "like to cook"?
This Old House and Her Old Hedges
I could not bear the thought of the work required to keep my hedges looking as trim and inviting as all of those hedges my husband had bookmarked and shared with me online.
I Don’t Know How Else to Say This Kids, But Your Mom and I Need to Divorce You
Kids, there is never a good time to say this, but since it's Father's Day and you're both standing here without rolling your eyes for once, I guess now is good enough: we're divorcing you.
Statistically Speaking, Most Accidents Happen in the Home… My Home
Just last Thursday I was entertaining over 50,000 guests at my bi-weekly “Salute to Bear Traps,” which was meant to be just a fun, casual, and accident-free celebration. Oops.
God Closes So Many Doors Because He Enjoys Watching People Crawl Out of Windows
Why would God deprive us of so many great opportunities, only to subsequently offer us lesser paths to success? Why would He do that? Perhaps there's an easier explanation.
How Parents Set Babysitters Up for Failure
As a community service, allow me to dive into some hour-by-hour trends I’ve noted on the typical Friday night babysit, with a few tips for dealing with those trends.
My Illustrious Time in a Maximum Security Prison (Thus Far)
In just three days in prison I've learned so much, made and lost friends, gained literal and emotional scars, and grown as a person. These next 728 days should be a breeze.
The Week I Decided to Get Tough on the (Mostly Ecological) Crimes Being Committed in My 4th Floor Loft
The Occupant begins his own thorough cleaning of his apartment. Girlfriend refuses to help, instead deciding to go to the Farmer’s Market and then to a yoga class.