Cover Letter from Your New Kitten
I plan to hit the ground running, and then run some more, and then more, then hit a wall, and then puke on your open laptop.
Tag: Houses
If Rick Allen Can Drum for Def Leppard with One Arm, Then Surely I Can Install This Backsplash
A poorly installed backsplash could actually DECREASE the value of my home, but did Rick Allen hire some “licensed professional” to do his drumming?
Friendly Reminders from Your Winterfell Homeowners Association!
Due to a disputed public executioner election, political lawn signs are no longer permitted. No decorative flamingos, gnomes, or heads on pikes.
How Embarrassing, I Seem to Have Forgotten Which Book Opens My Hidden Bookshelf Door
Is it "The Count of Monte Cristo" that solves this dreadful riddle? Surely a subtle nod to enclosed spaces will do it…. No.
Which Quarantine Type Are You: Health Nut, Couch Potato, or 19th Century Working-Class British Child, Based on My Impression from BBC Period Dramas?
I’ve stayed in touch with friends by… A) Hosting non-alcoholic Zoom happy hours. B) FaceTiming an ex at 2AM. C) Spitting peas at my chum’s window.
5 Signs Your Spin Instructor Has Been Exploiting Your Class to Power His Lake House
Phrases evoking imagery of a well-powered cabin like, “pedal like my kitchen appliances depended on it,” could be a huge red flag.
Apartment Rules That May or May Not Relate to the Recent Cult Activity
If you happen to hear chanting outside of quiet hours, please do not respond by screaming out, “You call that chanting? I’ll show you chanting!”
My Unique Vision for Your Home’s Exterior
Painting that house took a lot of effort and expense. Despite all I went through to realize an artistic vision, that client has refused to pay.
We’re Your Sectional Sofa and We’re Breaking Up
We’ve worked everything out with our mediator, Coffee Table. You can sit with me, Loveseat, on weeknights and with Chaise for naps on weekends.
31 Affirmations for Quarantine
I acknowledge that I can change my sweatpants if I want to or I can wear the same ones every day forever and only I have the power to choose.
Inward Bound! Survival Skills for the Great Indoors
After completing any one of our adventures, your best self will be the one stuck inside with no one to talk to.
I’m the Cockroach That Lives Under the Sink, and This Is My MasterClass
Together, you and I shall become pioneers of pest control vexation by breaking down what I call "The Art of Infestation."