New World Order Seeking Enthusiastic Intern (Spring 2019)
We are looking for an energetic, passionate intern approximately 80-83 years old with an ability to learn and grow with the organization.
Tag: Jobs
5 Ballin’ Pieces of Job Search Advice Most Effective If You’re Tim Motherfucking Cook
Um, I don't know why anyone but Tim Cook is still reading this, but you should probably bottle up your excitement...
Me, Frankenstein Monster, Am Victim of Angry Mob and Me Blame George Soros
Fake News say it bad thing that me want Bavaria to be good neighbor of Transylvania. Say Dracula sadistic bloodsucking despot.
Thoughts from a Town with an Abandoned Twinkie Factory
"When we put him in the ground, we dropped in every Twinkie wrapper. A shade under a million. He lived to 103. So...yes. I think they're ok for you.”
I’d Prefer to Date Someone Kind and Attractive, But Yes, I Would Settle for a Day-Old Baguette
Don’t tell me I have no standards. I wouldn’t date a slice of bread. That’s like, basically no bread!
Famously Unethical Psychological Experiments Re-Envisioned for Millennials
A phoneless participant will be quizzed about Buffy. If they get an answer wrong, another participant will be instructed to send a text to an ex.
The Inaugural Sick Day of a Workaholic
9:00 pm: Apply to 27 jobs for fun (your therapist told you that “hobbies are healthy”) and get them all.
A Series of Recent Rejection Letters
‘Sup Reject, Thanks for your interest in pursuing the most radical career opportunity of your life with us. After scopin’ out your CV, nah.
I’m the Nation of India, and I Found Myself in America
I’m five things: IT, chai-tea, yoga, Bollywood and the Taj Mahal. These are the only things I’m known for, thanks to you, America, my dear friend.
Aesop’s Fables, Updated for a Capitalist World
Thinking he'd overtaken the tortoise in the race, the hare took a nap under a tree. He was right to sleep, given his Adidas UltraBoost running shoes.
How I Imagine It Is to Be Rich
You always sort from "Most to Least" expensive when online shopping. When your heat goes out, you cuddle with your butler for warmth.
How to Avoid Bursting Into Flames Without Air Conditioning
Create clothing from frozen vegetables. People always want to wear as little clothing as possible during the summertime. That's a big mistake.