The Ballad of the Inept Geneticist
I am the Inept Geneticist So send to me your best spitting And for you I’ll manufacture A heritage more befitting
Tag: Jobs
How to Make the Most of Your Mental Health Day
8:00 p.m. --- Lunchtime! Wait, since when was it 8 p.m.? Have you not eaten anything today? Don’t panic. There’s a sleeve of Oreos on the table.
Our Startup is Seeking a Full-Time Mortician
Are you the kind of person who carries a casket with a skip in their step? Have you shown enthusiasm for embalming roadkill since a young age?
A Blue Apron Recipe for a Productive Morning
Take the shirt from the bottom of your laundry pile and sniff the underarms. Deem the shirt "not that smelly" and pull it over your head.
Employment Opportunity
We also don't have a retirement plan because the majority of our employees only stay with us for 2-3 hours.
Ho Ho Ho, I’ve Updated Your Privacy Policy
But if Mr Zuckerberg thinks that now I will finally bring him that Tickle Me Elmo, he is wrong. He was a bad boy then and he's an even badder boy now.
The Many Alarm Clocks Unemployed People Wake Up To
10:00 A.M: A phone call! Could it be an inteview? No, just those Mormon missionaries you gave your number to during that “Who am I” phase in college.
Dear Honorable Lord Hiring Manager, With Love and Respect
I have reduced stress by limiting my mental breakdown to three times a week. You would never guess that I've stress vomited in every campus bathroom!
Advice From One Mad Scientist to Another: Don’t Open That Interdimensional Gateway
I’m not quite sure how to begin but I know too well how it ends: with tendrily monsters eating your loved ones.
A Voicemail Greeting from a Person Who Hates Voicemails
It takes less than five seconds to read the average text message, while it takes more than 13 hours to listen to the average voicemail.
How to Recover After Telling a Job Interviewer That “You’re a Cat Who Loves Lasagna, But Hates Mondays”
There is no better example of multitasking than being able to eat flat pasta, ground beef, tomato sauce, and three types of cheeses all in one dish.
Incredibly Rude Responses to Perfectly Reasonable Job Applications
Firstly, the phrase, “I know all the words to 'Space Oddity'” is not the best way to start off an application to NASA.