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Tag: Jobs

Despite what you see on the Zoom, I don’t sunburn easily. (When we can't think of a fun fact, my current boss tells us to try a humblebrag.)

Have a visible breakfast of two croissants, orange juice, and a glass of red wine on Zoom. Complain how you had to make the croissants by hand.

You knotted your tie into a half-Windsor. Or, as we call it here, “the coward’s Windsor.” Of course, this significantly counted against you.

How did you hear about us? From cousin Annie at Thanksgiving or cousin Tom at Christmas?

Maybe you should have married into more money because it turns out teaching IS its own job: a 2020 "In-The-Time-of-Coronavirus" jobs list.

Charge your own phone so it is 207% charged at all times. It is important because you need to keep reminding the boss to charge her own phone.

My boss trusted me enough to get coffee and sometimes even pick up an occasional muffin. In addition, I became well-versed in Excel.

The cover letter is the most recycled paper item in the world; what you’re reading is a repurposed version of one that I sent to Whole Foods.

Do you know what you get for being a “hero”? Nothin'. So you might as well find a job that doesn't involve terrorizing low-income communities.

Which of the following pieces of equipment can be carried off-duty by employees and even concealed? A) Avocado Masher B) SIG Sauer P320 Pistol

You have dreams of leaving your hometown for some far away place you can reinvent yourself, some wild and distant land like Minneapolis.

Make-Believe Star of Reality Show: Seeking creative self-starter who is delusional and lonely enough to pretend they are a contestant on reality TV.