Weapons of Mass Instruction for Everyone in Every School
Who's in favor of ending "gun-free zones" and replacing them with "free gun zones"? The answer to every question in America is "more."
Tag: Legal
A Comedian Made a Joke About the Holocaust, and Now I Feel Unsafe
We simply cannot allow comedians to make jokes about things we don't like. We must all rise up and flaunt our collective disgust.
New York City Pizzerias Rated by How Good They Are for Hiding from Your Ex-Wife Trying to Collect Her Alimony Check
If you can shirk you financial responsibilities to your ex-wife here, you can shirk your financial responsibilities to your ex-wife anywhere.
I Heard Robert Mueller is a Draft-Dodging Sexual Predator
This Mueller character, looking into "collusion," he's the worst of the bunch. Many sources have told me he's a draft dodger and sexual predator.
Assholes Brace for the Arrival of Self-Driving Cars
The same folks who tailgate, casually cut you off, and pass you on the shoulder now face no longer being able to terrorize fellow drivers.
A Young Male Ski Instructor Tries to Organize a Ladies Ski Program
Ladies, seriously? I did not anticipate that your skillsets would change because you did not want to be in a group with "that bitch."
Donald Trump’s Patent Application for Liam Neeson’s Monologue from “Taken”
The president needs a a speech you say into a phone, so the bad guy knows, by the end of the movie, he's going to bite it. Big time!
A Non-Partisan Guide to Swinging Both Ways
Have you ever lusted after Bernie Sanders' egalitarian utopia but then felt you were cheating on that copy of Reagan's "City Upon a Hill" speech?
Customer Review: Product Blew Up Grandmother
I noticed that when my grandmother powered on her MXB39FLB7 it made a series of uncharacteristic clicking sounds prior to her detonation.
Opening Statement from Congressional Conservatives Following Historic Tax Bill Approval
Good afternoon, America! We've recently learned that humor is the best way to break bad news. Good thing the new tax bill is great news!
Death Stars Must Be Legalized for Private Ownership
My name is Krazzed Dumm'fuk, proud member of the Galactic Blaster Rifle Association. We must fight to lift the ban on private Death Star ownership.
The Differences Between Going Abroad as a Tourist, a Backpacker, or a Traveler
Three examples of how self-imposed labels have personally defined my experiences abroad, from utterly tame to absolutely insane.