My Latest Findings in Brain Research
8. The brain's ability to recognize faces is limited to John Lithgow --- Human faces: only computers can tell them apart.
Tag: Lies
The Joy of Conspiracy Cooking by QAnon
Great Awakening Soufflé: Stir pent-up resentment amongst white Americans (preferably men, but women are an adequate substitute).
I’m the Protagonist of a British Rom-Com and My Dear, I’ve Been Lying to You
I can't marry you into the Dukedom of Wellington: my parents are not the Duke and Duchess of Wellington. They're the Duke and Duchess of Devonshire!
Sexy and Confusing Lessons from the Online Fitness Industry
Supplements are filled with patented-yet-unpronounceable ingredients originally designed to make racehorses faster and more prone to heart attacks.
The Strange Life of a Costco Food Sample
I recently heard from Fox News that two men ages 70 and 72 fought over free cheese at a Costco in South Carolina.
My Only Regret is That I Have But 96 Lives Per Day to Give For My Country by Wayne LaPierre
While a Nathan Hale could die but once, I, Wayne LaPierre, must oversee a daily sacrifice nearly five score that many Americans from gun violence.
Whoa, I Saw the Mummy That’s Been Chasing Us Without His Bandages and He’s Actually Really Handsome
But now I realize that’s actually a stupid plan and I have a new, better one: keep King Teti in this Earthly realm and also make him my boyfriend.
The Thunder in Paradise: Poems Created From Interviews With Hulk Hogan, Part 5
I was praying to God that maybe the reality show / would give my marriage more net worth / and make my partner feel like she had a purpose in life.
I’m Mike Pence and My Entire Existence is an Improv Scene Gone Awry
The man you know as "Mike Pence" doesn’t actually exist. I'm just a guy who never got tagged out of an improv scene from 1979.
Finally, A Fantastic Cover Letter
I have also been told by several superiors that I have "a lot of potential," and that they'd like to see my potential "put to good use."
We’re Sorry We Didn’t Make the “Star Wars” Movie You Want
We were just trying to make a good movie that everyone could enjoy, and we never meant to hurt your feelings.
You’re Invited to Celebrate the 15th Anniversary of My Grudge Against Cindy
We both loved Avril and each other and had friendship bracelets to prove it. It would be weeks before I learned that she was a rotten, heartless liar.