It’s Important That Teachers Come Together and Cyberbully Trevor, Who Has Always Been an Asshole
Or the time that he got the whole school to chant "Mr. O’Brien is a virgin" when I was doing announcements during the assembly?
Tag: Lies
Internet Startup or Word a So-Called Friend Played That Made It Obvious They’ve Been Cheating at Words With Friends?
SWYTCH? ZOOTAXY? FROUZY? You don't think we can tell? Oh, we can tell.
Ain’t Seen Young Folks in the Old Mckenzie Place in 30 Years
But I’m gonna lie to y’al' so’s y’all have an excuse to sit a spell with me at this here combination A&W-Long John Silver’s-Exxon gas station.
It’s Me, The Retail Worker You Don’t Think Deserves More Than $2/Hour but That You Expect to Be on the Frontlines of the Pandemic Response
Since you believe we’re immune to feelings, it only makes sense that you believe we’re immune to the coronavirus, too.
I, Editor of the National Enquirer, Have Literally Seen a Sasquatch and No One Will Believe Me
I feel like Elvis when he returned to Graceland after 40 years of guiding climbers as a Sherpa in Tibet. That didn’t happen, but you get the point.
Phrases I’ve Heard from People I’ve Never Seen Again
Text me your name, so I have it in my phone! / How long have you been in New York? We have to get together!
Exam for the New Government-Issued License to Be an Asshole
3. How often are you an asshole? I would say whenever I’m conscious, but I can be fairly verbally abusive in my dreams.
Would You All Please Chill Out About My Paperclip Manufacturing Algorithm?
People ask why I need the world’s most powerful artificial intelligence to manufacture a simple product. Obviously, those people aren’t businessmen.
Space Force Wants You!
The lightweight uniforms of Space Force feature “Drip-Nip Technology©" that can resist water, whether it’s a splashdown or an unexpected “swirly."
After Two Years of Emotional Misdirection, I’m Ready to Propose to the Love of My Life
She thinks I forgot what park it was! We walked by it two months ago and she said “Look! Do you remember?” and I said “What?"
Why Was I Charged with a Felony for Simply Taking Home Some Office Supplies and My Boss’ Bank Account Number?
Nobody in the office will miss their paper clips and pens and you know what? My boss, Mr. Thompson, doesn’t even spend his money anyway.
To the Man Selling His Dead Baby’s Shoes
What on earth caused you to decide that the appropriate response to this tragedy was selling your dead baby's shoes in the local newspaper?