Leonardo DiCaprio Quote or the Last Thing I Said Before Getting Slapped in the Face By My Good-Time Gal at Lover’s Lane
When a role for a young guy is being offered to me, I think of River Phoenix. It feels like a loss.
Tag: Lies
Suggested Reading for Your Not-Woke-Enough 6-Year-Old
The Little Engine That Lost Its Medicare - After losing a spoke while transporting cargo, The Little Engine is no longer able to afford repairs.
Mysteries Involving the Rich and Powerful
The doors and windows are all open and the room is empty except for a puddle of water under the body. How can this be?
Rejected Chapter Summaries From “Stranger Things – Season 3”
The gang meets at the gym as they each try to punch the hottest boy in town. Curly Girl has a touching feminist discussion with mom about journalism.
Little-Known Presidential Facts
Grover Cleveland was not the first, nor last, president to wear a diaper while in office, but was the first to wear a diaper made of human flesh.
So You Want to Be the Devil’s Advocate
Must have a very strong bladder. We don't have many public restrooms here in Hell, and you will almost certainly have to wait in line.
“Forrest Gump” or Jonestown?
"Oh, now, don't you be afraid, sweetheart. Death is just a part of life. It's something we're all destined to do."
Sorry, Your Fire Insurance Doesn’t Cover Fire Damage
I empathetically understand why you think your house burned down, but technically it was destroyed and not “burned down.” This difference does matter.
Identifying Fauxpreneurs in the Wild
Fauxpreneurs believe if you’re not on the ‘gram, you will never become a unicorn. Look for at least three pictures per day showing her “hustling."
Are Vaccines Safe? And Other Legitimate Medical Questions From Ordinary People
When I give blood, does the needle the doctors use make a hole in my arm that a ghost could get into?
Please Stop Bursting Into My Darkroom to Question Me About a Murder
How do you think the Andersons feel when I deliver their photos, and half of them are so overexposed that you can’t see the barn they’re leaning on?
All the Things I Would Have Said to the Dentist Who Insulted My Wife’s Teeth If I Wasn’t Busy With My Jet Ski That Day
When I got a text from my wife that you looked at her beautiful food grinders and said, “Are these rocks in your mouth? Who put these in?” I got mad.