Five Questions I Have for the Dude Grinning at the Gym
This is a wily attempt to mock us, isn’t it? You’re clearly fit, gorgeous even. You did it! Congratulations, but that’s it. Why are you still here?
Tag: Life
How a Work Trip to the Hallmark Christmas Universe Royally Fucked My Marriage
I apologize, she giggles and our shared weakness for Snickerdoodles suggests we will fall madly in love by Christmas. Her name is Lacey Sherbert.
What to Do if the Little Drummer Boy Shows Up at Your Local Maternity Ward
It's confusing that this boy thinks a drum solo is an appropriate gift for anyone---let alone an infant. That’s what makes him so dangerous.
I Caught My Husband Crying While Cutting Onions. That’s Why I’m Leaving Him
The man who I had married, the man who I’d seen get into a shoving match with a JV baseball coach, had become something unrecognizable.
Does This Crippling Existential Dread Make Me Look Fat?
This thing we call "life" is really just a painfully drawn out, cosmic joke. And I can’t tell if that’s what’s causing the bulge around my waistline.
5 Episodes of “DuckTales” Where Winter’s First Snowfall Coincided with Uncle Scrooge Explaining to His Grandnephews That Because They Were Not Human, God Would Not Welcome Them into the Kingdom of Heaven When They Died
Season 1, Episode 45 - Raiders of the Lost Harp: When Uncle Scrooge Bemoans That All His Riches Cannot Afford Him a Seat in God’s Kingdom
The Church Announces Changes to Try and Get Young People to Attend Mass
To help bring in the younger audience, the flock is now allowed to respond to “The Lord be with you” with “OK boomer.”
Dear Families That Share Holiday Letters
I noticed that you already posted those vacation photos online, but the evidence of just how wealthy your family is magneted to my fridge is a treat!
Hold the Phone, Wife and Husband Are Also Best Friends?!
Spending the night with your wife is now HAVING A SLEEPOVER WITH YOUR BESTIE. Dinner dates are now EATING WINGS WHILE YOU GOSSIP ABOUT NON-BESTIES.
From a Proud but Contrite Music Snob with a Secret Life to His Daughter in the Event of His Death
I need you to delete my personal Spotify account. As you browse the artists and titles in my library you will see why I need this to happen.
While “Saving the World” Is a Nice Hobby, Don’t You Think It’s Time to Consider Graduate School, Superman?
Aren’t you tired of people mistaking you for a bird or a plane? With some higher education, they could recognize you as a local community leader.
I’m Your Acoustic Guitar’s Mother and I’m Disgusted with You
He calls me at night. He tells me how it took you months to manage a barely passable F-chord, and how you thought you'd actually achieved something.